Cry
by Zakhariahz
Summary: AH. Song fanfic.Edward and Bella both come from dysfunctional families.They’ve both lost their mothers in someway and their fathers don’t quite know how to cope.This is a story of their friendship and the parabola it is.Full sucky summary inside. R&R plz!
1. OnSpecialDaysEdward

**Summary:- AH. Song fanfic. Edward and Bella both come from dysfunctional families. They've both lost their mothers in someway and their fathers don't quite know how to cope. They've been friends a while and closer than anything but Edward knows he can't tell Bella what happens behind the walls of his house. He knows she'll leave him and he'll have no one. This is a story of their friendship and the parabola it is. (I know the summary sucks but please read it.)**

**CRY**

_I'll always rememberIt was late afternoonIt lasted foreverAnd ended so soon(yeah, yeah)You were all by yourselfStaring up at the dark gray skyI was changedIn places no one will findAll your feelings so deep inside(deep inside)Was then that i realizedThat forever was in your eyesThe moment i saw you cryIt was late in SeptemberAnd I've seen you before(and you were)You were always the cold oneBut I was never that sureYou were all by yourselfStaring up at the dark gray skyI was changedIn places no one will find All your feelings so deep inside(deep inside)Was then that I realised That forever was in your eyesThe moment I saw you cryCuz I wanted to hold youI wanted to make it go awayI wanted to know youI wanted to make your everythingAlright...I'll always remember...It was late afternoonIn places no one find.....In places no one will find(baby,oh no no)All your feelings so deep inside(forever was in your eyes)(deep inside)Was then that I realised That forever was in your eyesThe moment i saw you cryBaby cry(moment that i saw you cry)Oh no noI think i saw you cryThe moment i saw you cryI wanted to know you _

_I wanted to know you_

_I wanted to know you_

Edward Cullen

January 2009

Another day. Another reason to not exist. I woke up again this morning from the same nightmare the had graced my mind for the past eight years. The screaming. The crying. The crash and busting glass. Then the darkness when I thought I was dead. If only I had been so lucky. . .

_August 2001_

"_Edward! Alice! Emmett! Come on, kids, we have to go home now!" _

_Three kids ran to the woman, each one different from the next and from her. She pulled her caramel hair back into a high pony as her eyes skimmed over her little troops. Emmett, 16, was here, huge and hard to miss, his dark chocolate curls stuck down to his sweaty forehead. Alice, 12, was here, smaller than the others and bouncy, the same electroucuted look that she left the house with. And Edward, 8, was here, his bronze hair gelled into a punkish mohawk, the work of Alice, his thin blue shirt a darker colour now from all of that play._

"_When the three of you get home, it's straight to the showers," Esme scolded her children playfully, holding her handbag out for them to spill their party favours into, "and then you'll get these back." She remembered the time Emmett had eaten one of Edward's party favours. Poor boy had bawled so loudly._

"_Yeah, yeah," Emmett said with a patronizing grin._

"_Of course, Mum," Alice reassured her with an angelic smile._

_Edward just smiled crookedly up at her, his face still flushed from all of the horse play._

"_Edward?" Esme asked with a faux scowl._

"_Yes, Mummy!" and with that he threw himself into her arms._

_She laughed and held her son, reaching for the others who overwhelmed her as well and she landed on her butt, laughing with her kids. After a couple of minutes she dusted her skirt and pulled them along with her to their shiny new Parado. They all filed into the SUV, joking and negotiating about bed time._

"_I'm sixteen, Mum!" Emmett whined, "Why do I have to go to sleep the same time as them?"_

"_You played like you were the same age as them, you will be treated like one of them." And that was the end of that discussion._

_Everything went downhill from the time Esme's phone rang._

"_Oh, Alice answer that for me," she said, turning around for a moment, running the red light unintentionally._

_BANG!_

_A Mack truck slammed into the driver's side. . ._

I pushed the thought from my mind. Who would want to remember their mother not screaming because she died before she could even react? Or their sibling screams being drowned out by the gurgling sound of blood in their mouth? Who would want to be the one who survived because their siblings shielded them from the impact?

Not me but this was my reality.

Nobody Move, Nobody Get Hurt by We Are Scientists started playing on the bedside table. The fancy Nokia N96 my father got me for my seventeenth birthday vibrated harshly against the smooth laminate surface.

Bella.

"Hello?"

"Hi Edward. I didn't think you'd be up yet."

It was 6:30a.m. She was right. She usually woke me up at 6:45. Today must be an occasion.

"Oh. Just got up on my own I guess. You're calling early."

"Oh yeah. You have to get to school a little earlier this morning. Band practice and you have to ride with me. Your dad called my house yesterday and you can't catch the bus either. It's not running today."

"Ok. That's not a problem. What time will you be coming?"

"In forty-five minutes."

"I'll be ready. Bye, Bella."

"Bye, Tony!" I could hear the smile in her voice.

Bella. Isabella Marie Swan. My only friend at Forks High. Bella comes from a dysfunctional family. . . just like me. . .

_September 2007_

"_Hello?" My voice was strained and I was fighting to staunch the bleeding in my leg._

"_Edward, this is Bella." She was crying. "Can you come over? I need to talk to you."_

"_Uh, sure. Just give me some time. I'll be there in a half hour." _

_This was what I needed. My chance to be a healer. I hung up and tied a rag tightly around the wound on my shin and pulled on fresh clothes. I looked at myself in the mirror. Blood. On my cheek. One my neck. In my hair. My hands were stained. I began scrubbing my skin vigorously, desperately trying to clean myself of the crimson and the memory of it all._

_What had I done? Ripped the corner off of a sheet of paper. A sheet of paper that only had "Carlisle Cullen" written on the top, left justified…_

_No time to dwell. There were more important things than wounds of the flesh, God knew I had enough. Once I was clean I darted from the house, wincing every time I stepped down on the left. Bella's house was approximately twenty blocks from my house. With each step, every time my feet pounded into the hard unfeeling cement, the wound bled more and soon enough the leg of my jeans was damp but I pushed forth. A little blood loss had never killed anyone but the blood loss I was experiencing had. Fifteen more blocks but I was doing okay. My breathing was still regular. Ten more blocks and nothing had changed except now the leg on my jeans stuck to my shin. Stupid mistakes could wait 'til later, Bella needed me._

_I passed the house._

"_Edward!"_

_I spun around, sweat holding my hair to my forehead and the nape of my neck. The sidewalk was coming up fast._

"_Edward!" Panic._

"_Tony?"_

_That woke me up._

"_Tony?" I laughed feebly, sitting up and pushing my matted locks off of my skin, "So what do you want to talk about? I'm here…and awake now."_

_She hiccupped a laugh and I laughed with her. At least one of us was remotely happy. I had spent the past two years doing this; making her smile._

"_First, what happened to you leg?! Your jeans are soaked in blood!"_

_I took that as an indication to look at it. Her bed sheet was now a vile brown colour and so were my jeans. I moved my foot a bit and hissed loudly. I could feel the bump that was now there and pulled up the material to reveal a fresh bandage that was quickly absorbing the blood that was oozing caused by my jostle._

"_The pedal on my bike." She could never know. She would leave me and then I would have no one. She would leave me and hate me always._

"_Okay but be more careful."_

"_Will you tell me what I ran twenty blocks for?" I joked trying to get her off of it. She was having difficulty believing me. Bella was a very perceptive girl, more so than anyone gave her credit for and lying to her was quite a feat._

_That turned out to be a huge mistake. Bella burst out wailing with huge tears spilling onto her cheeks. She threw herself on top of me, clutching the neck of my jersey, stretching it a considerable distance. I hugged her and let her cry into the crook of my neck._

"_It's okay, Bella. Just let it all out." Embrace the privilege I don't. "When you're ready to tell me, I'm right here, Bells, I'm right here."_

_I had no romantic feelings towards Bella in any way but she was my reason for living. The idea that I could give someone the joy that was far beyond my reach was enough to make me stick around._

"_My father's a wife beater and my mother's a drunken whore."_

_That I was not prepared for but I would say nothing about it. How could I? I should never judge. Never._

My phone rang at 6:25a.m. We Are Scientists. What was so appealing about this song to Bella? Such a strange girl.

"Hey, Tony," she piped on the other line and I could not help but laugh. She was adorable.

"Hey, Marie," I teased right back, knowing how she blushed whenever I called her that, "I'm almost ready. I can't find my other drumstick though. Did I leave it by you from last time?"

Every time I went over to Bella's – every day – I carried my drumsticks in case we decided to practice.

"Yeah. I think I stuffed my flute cloth in you back pack by accident," she laughed sweetly, "I told you not to buy the same backpack."

I glanced down at the black Jansport at my feet with the silver hearts.

"You wouldn't have gotten it if I hadn't and by the way, Swan, you so owe me, my abs are killing me!" I complained, knowing she would know I was talking about my recent piercing there that I had to get so she would get one.

"My tummy hurts too, Tony, and if you weren't so chivalrous, you wouldn't have that problem," she teased back, "but thank you again. For that and for the tongue and the five times with the ear and the nose and the eyebrow and the lip and the – er – nipple."

"The last one I did on my own and the lip was for your industrial piercing and the other lip and eyebrow was for your other navel rings and the nose was for the stud on your right ear," I grinned at the amount of times I had willingly hurt myself for this girl. That was the way it was suppose to be. I was suppose to willingly hurt myself. Once it was for Bella, I'd do anything, "Don't forget about your tattoo."

"Oh! Thanks for that too." I could definitely hear the blush in her voice. I reached down to scratch my stomach and realized two things; damn that little fucker was not to be touched and I was half-naked. "Listen, Bells, I'm going now. I now realized, I'm not fully dressed." I flushed this time and she laughed loudly.

"Pants?" The little twit sounded so hopeful.

"No! Shirt!"

"Aw!" She sounded disappointed. "It would've been funnier to see you get jumped before the gates."

"Evil." And I hung up. I knew she was laughing her ass off. Sucking my teeth in playful anger, I made my way to my room to find a jersey. Today was a normal day for everyone else but I felt better and newer. Today was a special day for me. Today made it two weeks since he had touched me. My legs were a mangled mess of scars just like my lower back and the line of my spine but my chest was clean with the exception of little white lines from scrape that had been meant to bleed me during his torture, like my arms. But I knew better than to get my hopes up. This was the calm before the storm. I felt braver than usual about my dress today. Today was also a rare sunny day. A breaking of grey clouds just for me. Out of a pile of clothes at the foot of my bed I dredged up an armless jersey – thin, fitted and black with 'Already Over' printed across the shoulders – that showed off the guardian angel on my right bicep with 'Bella' disguised in the folds of her dress in a clever way very nicely. I gave my baggy faded blue jeans a sad look.

"Sorry, boys, maybe tomorrow." I stripped off my Doc Martens first before pulling them down. Today was a special day, right? Time to look special, Cullen. My cousin, Rosalie, from Seattle sent me a whole new set of clothing, all nice and fashionable but still deviant to fit my 'weirdness' in her words. Standing in my boxers with my hands on my hips, looking peculiar, I picked out a crisp pair of stretch skinny jeans. A first for me. They surprisingly felt comfy and were form fitting, showing off the muscles in my legs without showing off my skin but with enough room to keep me from looking gay. Ah, today was going to be interesting. . .once they stopped slipping off my hips. I dug through the box and found a white leather belt with columns of three holes going right around then two black ones. Hm. . . A black one went through the loops, then the white one went through one, hanging just off of my hips and then the second black one, hanging right below that one.

Shoes. . . shoes. . . shoes. . . Ah! Here we go! I had to love my cousin now. She took such good care of me. I slipped my feet into a pair of Vans – dark grey with checked with black. Absolutely beautiful. I checked my watch. Bella would be here any minute. Wait. Hang on. Were there any sunglasses in there? I could've slapped myself and laughed at myself for the way I was acting but sure enough there were an array of glasses. I went for classic me. Aviator shades. Ray Ban, according to the writing on the side. Grabbing my dull black leather jacket from the bed post, I threw it on, feeling good and worth something, knowing I'd be with the most amazing friend in a couple of minutes. Trying not to break my I-feel-special mood, I stopped in front of a mirror in the hallway to do something with my hair. I looked at what Bella called my 'sex hair' even though I was still a virgin and had a devious idea. I pulled slowly on a stray strand in front of my face then ran my hair through my locks with closed eyes, imagining I was caught somewhere in the throes of passion with. . .an unnamed beauty who had blindfolded me? I pulled and tugged at my hair, running my fingers through and twisting locks around my fingers. Ok, time to look. When my eyes fluttered open I wanted to fall down in hysterics. It was even more of 'sex hair' than usual. If she called it 'orgy hair' I wouldn't be able to hold back the laughter. Wow. I hadn't been in such a good mood in so long. Sure enough, there was a beep outside and I knew I would go out with a grin on my face.

"Oh my God!" The snickering began. "Who are you and what did you do to Edward?" The chuckling began. "Please, tell me who you are sexy stranger." Ok, that one made me snort.

"You make me feel so good," I said sarcastically, making her laugh, "Hi, I'm the on-special-days Edward. Who are you unsexy stranger?"

"Dick." She slapped me on my arm playfully. "But honestly, you look really hott. About time you let go of those plain Jane jerseys and sweaters."

Plain Jane? Oh God, Bella. I laughed, rolling my eyes and looking her over. She wasn't unsexy, by the way. She was dressed in her normal way. Jeans that fitted her long, slender legs just fine, sneakers – Ed Hardy's today – and a white hoodie with little angel pigs that fell off of one shoulder with a white camisole – the fluorescent green and orange strap of her bra showing as well. Yeah, pretty eccentric. Her hair was pulled up in a neat bun with a black clip.

"We actually look kinda the same," I commented, scrunching up my nose playfully.

"Yeah. We both look kick ass!" Her grin was enormous for someone so small. "Instead of me just looking kick ass."

I laughed and began tonguing one of my lip rings – the one on the right side of my lip. Bella was tugging and pulling and various articles of clothing commenting as I watched her half-crazed analysis. She honestly never had even considered the fact that I could do something like this. Before she started questioning, I took my little bundle of energy by the arm and dragged her to the car.

"You know, if you weren't my best friend, I'd so fuck you," she stated matter-of-factly as I held the door open for her.

"You're turning into a Lauren!" I said in honest-to-God-believable horror.

"Oh please, Edward," she scoffed and got in, "and besides, you know you want this." She wiggled her ass in my face and I, brand new and more confident, spanked her hard enough to topple her into the back seat.

"Good Morning, Edward," Charlie said stiffly, noticeably embarrassed by our banter.

"Good Morning Charlie," I said with a grin. I bore no animosity towards this man. It was understandable that he was in a difficult position and I had no right to judge the way he handled it but it had hurt me when Bella used to cry about it. Now, her mother made her cry but I would not dwell on it, now was a happy time. Rare and far between they were. I remember our last happy time. Two weeks ago. . .

"_Edward, it looks so painful," Bella whimpered, burying her face in my chest as we viewed a tape of some girl getting her navel pierced. The bitch screamed like a fucking banshee, wailing and tugging at the shirt of her friend as the employee twirled the needle through her flesh. I hugged Bella close. This fucking girl did not make this fucking situation any fucking easier and now I'm fucking cursing like a fucking sailor. Fuck! _

"_It's ok, Bella, I'll get one too so you'll see that it doesn't hurt ok?"_

_She looked up from my chest with shiny eyes and a little pout. Her eyebrows were up with wide eye admiration. She was so adorable and my heart throbbed for her, at the love in her eyes. My little Bella. My life line. My life._

"_Are you sure, Tony?"_

"_Yes, sweetheart, I'm sure."_

_She beamed. Bella loved it when I called her things like that. She said it reminded her of Isaac, her older brother who was 30 and lived in Canada. She tiptoed, straining upwards to kiss my cheek so instead I kissed her forehead. I walked over to the cot and threw myself back onto it before Jasper Whitlock, a kid from school who worked here part time and played gigs with his band, Pleasure Of Amy's Chains, at Mike's._

"_Hey, Edward," Jasper drawled with an easy going grin before pulling his hair back into a sloppy ponytail and snapping his gloves on, "Doing it for the girlfriend, huh?"_

"_Naw man, more like family." Bella stuck her tongue out at the back of his head._

"_You want any specific ring in?" He motioned to the glass showcase behind him. "We have a shitload of options."_

"_Pick one, Marie." I rested my chin on my chest to look at her surprised look then a slow grin. "Nothing gay, please."_

_I hiked up my jersey to bare my stomach and Jasper inspected my navel, the deep little indent above a line of thick bronze hair. Bella was still inspecting the numerous rings and a smile brightened her face._

"_I found one! I found one!" She did a little jumping-dancing thing that made Jasper look at me curious and I shook my head with a 'don't even ask' look on my face._

"_Here." Jasper threw a bunch of keys gently towards her which she miraculously caught. "the one with the plastic head." _

_Bella hunched over, working on the lock until she slid the thick door back and reached deep in, almost going all the way up to the front, to claim her prize. Clasped in her hands, it laid, her head bowed, cheeks red, she gave him._

"_Emerald?" Jasper looked it over then his eyes bore through mine, grasping understanding, he smiled and showed me. The entire thing was emerald green with the stopper and little ball at the other end being faux emerald. I myself smiled in understanding._

_**. . . "Your eyes are so pretty, Tony. Like emeralds with a light shining through them." . . .**_

_Not before you, Bella._

We pulled up in front of the school at five past seven. Ah, what a sight Forks' High was when it wasn't littered with idiotic teenagers. Tall, brick buildings riddled with cracks and ivy curling up the sides.

"Oh!" I turned to Bella. "Your sex hair is even sexier. Like multiple hands. Hm…orgy hair!" That did it. I doubled over, clutching my stomach in hysterics, holding my shades to my face. She kicked my shin, hitting an old wound and tears of laughter choked into a slight pain but she would not know. She didn't know. She would never know.

"Dammit, Bells, that hurt!" I said playfully, masking any true pain.

**AN:- OK, this is new stuff. . .ok, well, I started this before I started The River Flows In You. This is my first attempt at a story where there is no romantic involvement between Edward and Bella and I honestly think it pales in comparison to The River Flows In You. I'm putting up this first chapter and if I you like it let me know and I'll post more for you. Here I go, jumping head first into this thingy. . .nervous as hell. **

**-Zakh**


	2. Dating? Kissing? Uh, no thank you

**AN:- okay. Here's the second chapter. Oh and just so you know, Bella doesn't get sick at the sight of blood. She watched all of the Saw movies! Kudos to Bella! lol**

Edward Cullen

January 2009

The bells rang for our first class - English - and I had to drag Bella away from an intense thumb war with Jacob, my other close friend and her brother-from-another-mother as they called it.

"Seeya, Bells! Catch you next period, Ed!"

"Byebye, Jakie!"

"Laters, Jake!"

"I told you not to call me 'Jakie' Bells! You never listen, do you?"

Bella grinned at him over her shoulder, walking smack into my back. She grabbed me around my waist to steady herself, pouting and grumbling as I chuckling, reaching around to place a hand on the small of her back to make sure she was good but the little brat smacked it away and stalked off, making extravagant hand gestures and managing to punch poor Mike Newton right in the nose, knocking his glasses askew.

"Ohmihgod! I'm so sorry Mike!" Bella panicked overly visibly as Mike clutched his nose, eyes watering. "Edward!" she screamed over at me, "Come help me!"

With an extravagant roll of my eyes and a sympathetic smile, I went to them and pried Mike's hands away from his face. It was nothing serious and it was not broken but it was bleeding a bit.

"Bells, I need a napkin or something." I turned to my little nurse expectantly.

"Oh, move!" Little Miss Fix-It reached up and wiped away the blood with the end of the sleeve of her white hoodie nonchalantly before moving aside to let me finish up.

"Okay, Mike, you should be good. It's not broken." I probed his nose again for good measure and he didn't flinch. "She hit you pretty hard." Cue dirty look and poke. "so if it bleeds again just go to the infirmary and they'll fix you right up. You may have a bit of a headache so I think you should take some Paracetamol or something non-drowsy. Other than that, you're good to go."

"Hey, thanks, Edward," Mike gushed, wiping his eyes and trying not to look at Bella, "I appreciate it. And it's okay, Bella. I'm fine."

"Hey, no problem, Mike. It was nice to be of any assistance."

"Thanks, Mike. I'm still really sorry." Poor Mike. She reached up and planted a small kiss on his cheekbone that turned his face a pleasant shade of pink.

"Breathe, Mike," I reminded him before following Bella into the classroom, smiling only slightly.

_July 2005_

_My backside was black and blue, bleeding in certain places, swollen and tender and I bit my lip as I pulled my jeans up. I had no idea how I was going to lie to Bella this time. I couldn't walk properly so this was going to difficult. As quickly as I could, I limped down the stairs and shuffled into the living room where Bella was waiting for me to walk home with her._

"_Ready?" I asked her with a smile. She was looking so pretty in her little yellow sundress with her hair down and curly._

"_No." she made a face. "I don't want to go on that date anymore. I, mean, Eric's nice and everything but he's boring!"_

"_What are you going to do?" I stifled the laughter as much as I could, holding the door open for her._

"_He taking me to Chucky Cheese!" I snorted with laughter. "Then we're going to his house to play video games. I don't like video games, Tony! Can I just stay home and watch movies with you?"_

"_Sure." I had absolutely no problem. Her dad made the greatest pizza. "Your dad's making pizza, right?"_

"_He will be." She was grinning from ear to ear._

"_Just call Eric and tell him you're sick."_

"_Why?" I slapped my forehead with my hand a number of times under Bella's confused gaze before rolling my eyes at her._

"_You want to stand him up? I don't think so. Call him and tell him you can't come and then we'll hang."_

"_Oh, ok. I think I prefer hanging with you to dating." She kissed me hurriedly on the cheek before running to the doorstep._

"_You never even been on a date!" I called to her, wiping away her kiss, "Yuck! You got lip gloss on my face!"_

_Bella giggled. "Get used to it. You'll end up getting all of my kisses if I don't date."_

"_Once you don't kiss me on my mouth. That's just wrong." I twisted my face into a grimace at the idea._

"_Agreed. We're family. Family no suck face with family." We busted up laughing at that as she patiently waited for me to get to the door, smiling sadly like she already knew what was going on. I shook the idea from my head with a minute shudder. Six years I'd been hiding it and hide it I would continue to do._

January 2009

"Poor Mike, you probably give him a mild seizure with that little number of yours, Marie." I smirked widely and undisguised, dropping myself into the desk behind hers, wiggling my lanky frame around to fit properly. Bella sucked her teeth but turned around in her chair to speak to me all the same.

"I was being nice and besides, it's not like it meant anything."

"But Mike likes you, Numbskull, you should at least be sensitive to that fact. No one like to be led on."

"You're just jealous, Eddie, my boy." I snorted at her unabashedly before flicking her on her forehead - Jackie Chan's Uncle style. Unflinchingly but not un-glaringly, she continued, "you wish you had someone to lead you on."

I blushed profusely at the idea. "No thank you. I don't need that sort of drama. I'm fine as I am. I'll just lead on others." As breezily as I said this, I knew I could never. I was too much of a 'nice little boy', in the words of Jake, to do so.

It was Bella's turn to snort. "You don't even know how to flirt."

"It's in my genes, baby." I looked up heatedly at her from beneath my lashes, quirking on corner of my lips before licking the top lip. "The Cullen charm is irresistible."

Bella gave blush a whole new shade to work with. "By the time, you're ready to use it, your balls'll shriveled and ready to drop off."

_September 2007_

"_We're finally here, Tony. High school."_

_It was beyond me why she was so happy to be here. She complained about leaving junior high and whined about us splitting up and still cried even after she found out I was not going away to some fancy private school. Charlie had told me it was 'girl stuff' and not to worry but I worried anyway. _

"_Yeah, I guess so, kiddo, but I think I'm already ready to go home." I knew I was frowning and I knew she was just about to try to wipe my frown away._

"_Oh, come on! You're just sour because you have to be seen with a busted up face. I told you to be careful when you're riding your bike but I guess you never listen to me, huh?" she huffed with kitten anger, folding her arms and pouting up at me._

"_I hit a bump in the trail, I told you." yeah, I broke a plate and he smashed up my face._

"_Look at yourself!" She held up a small mirror to my face and I could've seen the purple and blue marks, the scrapes and the swollen, split lip. I knew what my face was looking like and I appreciated all of her concern but looking at my face was too much at the moment and I was dangerously close to slapping the mirror out of her hand. Instead, I griped her wrist and lowered it gently, staring into her narrowed eyes._

"_I won't go riding on that trail anymore, Marie, I won't make you worry like that again. I promise." With a small squeak she launched herself into my arms, sniffling into my sweater._

"_I just don't want to lose you, Edward. I can't lose anyone else."_

"_Shush, Bella, shush, I'm not going anywhere."_

"_Mum said the same thing." Knowing, not what to say, I rested my cheek on the top of her head, rubbing circles on her back. She had been opening up to me more and more since she had told me about her mother and father a few days ago._

"_Well, I'm not breaking my promise. Have I ever broke any promise I made to you?" She just sniffled harder. "Bella?"_

"_No._

"_I'm not starting now. I- I love you, Bella." My eyes widened as I said these words, my breath catching at the back of my throat for a moment. Three words I would never take back or regret. Three words that left me bared and vulnerable to her. Three words that I was more than willing to give to her after these long seven years._

"_I love you too, Edward, with all of my heart. No one has ever been there for me the way you've been there and no one has ever been as honest as you have." My stomach knotted terribly. If only she knew just how honest I was, she would never have said such a thing but I was glad that she had given me those three words and her heart. "Family?" She stopped sniffling to look up at me with watery eyes._

_I smiled crookedly down at her before pressing a big, wet kiss on her forehead; the first kiss I had ever given her. "Family."_

"_Hey, you freaks going out now?" Lauren sneered over at us, her group of vapid robots snickering along with her._

"_She's just jealous that I got Edward Cullen all to myself," Bella muttered to me with a smug, little grin. _

"_Oh please." _

"_No, seriously, Tony. Right now, you're rank one man candy."_

_I blanched and my arms tightened around Bella but she laughed sweetly before saying, "Don't worry, I'll protect you."_

January 2009

Ms. Schneider walked into the classroom, taking small, restricted steps in her tight pencil skirt - why do I knew what that is? - with her stilettos - I blame Bella - clicking against the hardwood. She was a substitute teacher which meant that we were free for this period.

"Hey, awesome, we're free!" Bella did a weird little happy dance within the confines of her seat that frightened me a bit, to be completely honest, and it showed on my face. Sucking her teeth she flipped me her middle finger, waving it around in my face until I nipped the tip of it savagely with my incisors.

"You little bitch!" Ms. Schneider cleared her throat loudly with a pointed glance in our direction which Bella pointedly ignored. She poked me on my forehead for laughing at her. My face had to be slightly flushed at least from all of that laughing. Bella paused, cocking her head to the side puppy-style, she smiled fondly at me before splaying her fingers across my cheek. With a fond smile of my own, I brushed the back of my hand with my knuckles.

"You're really cute when you blush, Edward, it really suits you."

"Thanks, kiddo."

"I really have my work cut out for me," she sighed heavily but playfully, her thumb now rubbing arches on my cheekbone. I cocked my head to the side this time and pressed my cheek deeper into her palm. "Protecting you." I laughed heartily at her observation, swallowing the urge to quirk my eyebrow at the memory.

"It's alright, hun, maybe I should get a girlfriend. I don't want to keep you from dating because I'm single and occupying all of your time." She huffed and pinched my cheek hard at my words.

"Don't get a girlfriend unless you want to and the boys at our school are too stupid to date anyway. I'll get a boyfriend when I'm good and ready. Probably during college. Where do you wanna go?" This was surprising for me. Usually she avoided these conversations; any conversation that involved a separation of any sort.

"Well, Dad wants me to go to Darthmouth to study medicine but I want to go to Juliard to major in music. If it's anything I'll end up going to Washington to major in Bio and come back and teach here. That seems like neutral territory. . ." I rubbed my cheek thoughtfully.

"Hey, you're going to Juliard!" she flicked me on my forehead. "I'm going to Washington to major in English and go back there to become a professor and when you're playing for symphonies and I'm a nationally renowned professor with my PhD, we'll take a holiday and tour the world."

If I lived that long. . .

**AN:- I am so sorry I took so long to update this story and chapter six of The river Flows In You is still in progress. . .I'll try to get it up this weekend. Enjoy this, please and thank you! Love, Zakh.**


	3. Boys will be BOYS ad Bellaah

**AN:- long overdue…..I'm sorry this taking so long. Just like with TRFIY, homework keeping me from posting. Ok, well, here's chapter three. This one is for a bit of comic relief. Review please!!!**

Edward Cullen

January 2009

Lunch time rolled around before I could blink and, unfortunately, Bella managed to get herself along with myself in detention that evening for fighting. Well, Bella was trying to rip some kid's balls off for groping her and I was restraining her until I heard what happened…then the situation became reversed. I threw down the tray with my lunch on it with a bleak expression, not even bothering to look enthusiastic about the once-a-month-special of pizza but Bella and Jake, however, practically ravaged their slices before attacking each other for mine. With my chin propped lightly on the fingers of my left hand, my right hand closed around a drumstick that was beating out an erratic, happy rhythm, I looked at them go at it like dogs then started wondering how exactly had I gotten caught up with Jake…

_December 2004_

"_Do I gotta meet him, Bella!" I pouted hugely, hoping she would go for the whole sad, puppy-dog look like all of Dad's creepy girlfriends. My arms were folded across my chest stubbornly as Bella, standing on a stool, stuck a Spongebob Band-Aid over the boo-boo she had put on my forehead._

"_There!" she exclaimed, slapping it lightly and avoiding my whining._

"_This is why you're not supposed to throw stones at public parks," I grumbled, "people get hurt. You're just lucky I have a hard head." A very hard head. I let my finger brush the scar a little way above my hairline._

"_I'm so sorry, Edward! I really didn't see you there!"_

"_Of course you didn't see me! You had your eyes closed and you were throwing the stones over your shoulder!" My arms flailed wildly in the air. "And I had to be the lucky butthead to get knocked on the head by a Bella-launched rock!"_

_Bella was pouting and I could see that she was really very sorry as her wide, doe-eyes gleamed extra shiny-ly. I mumbled quickly and bashfully that I forgave her and a bright smile lit up her face but fell when I began whining again. "Do I really have to meet him?"_

"_Edward Cullen." I winced. She sounded a lot like my grandma. "Yes, you have to meet Jakie! He's very important to me. Two of my brothers have to meet each other. You need to know you're related." Poor, stupid, twelve year old me could not argue with her logic, no matter hoe illogically logical it was. "Besides, Jakie is really cool! You'll like him."_

"_And what if I don't?" I challenged defiantly, not willing to give in so soon._

"_He plays Yu-Gi-Oh!" Bella said with a shrug, knowing how big of a dork I was when it came to all things Yu-Gi-Oh!_

"_OK! I WANNA MEET HIM!" With that I ran out of the house only to realize that I didn't know where he lived._

"_My dad's driving us!" she called after me as I ran into the living room door. "Are you okay?"_

"_Bella?!"_

"_Yeah?!"_

"_I got another boo-boo.!"_

_************************************************************************_

"_Hi, I'm Jacob but you can call me Jake." The kid stuck his hand out awkwardly, his darker brown skin looked so much cooler next to my white hands and he had a ponytail! How awesome was that?! Super uber awesome! That was how awesome it was._

"_I'm Edward, you can call me anything but Eddie." Jacob grinned largely along with me as I shook his hand, Bella beaming up at us like some creepy kind of friend-Cupid._

"_Yeah, no problem. If you call me Jakie, I'll punch you." I laughed at him but I took the threat seriously. Jacob was taller and bigger than me, he would pound me. He saw the intimidation in my eye and laughed harder before saying, "Hey, d'you like Yu-Gi-Oh!?"_

_Yeah…the start of a wonderful friendship…_

January 2009

"Yo, Edward! Look alive, man, we have biology now." Jake kicked the leg of my chair causing me to jolt straight up into a standing position and drop my drumstick. It clattered loudly on the floor and no one talked. The three of us looked from one to the other before our faces split wide open to let out raucous peals of laughter.

"Better not drop your stick on your wedding night, dude," Jake jeered, nodding down towards my crotch.

"Knock on wood, Jake, he's almost as bad as me!" Bella quipped.

"Haha, funny, bitches, at least I have a stick, huh, Jake." That wiped the smiled from the smug bastard's face and Bella laughed harder.

"Like you know whether I have a stick or not, pretty boy, but have you know, I do have a stick and Leah love it, Cockblock Cullen."

Both my eyebrows shot up. "Did you just call me 'Cockblock Cullen'?"

"Hey, dude, you do it for yourself," Bella added helping out Jake., "You've earned it. Never met a teenage boy who could get ass and cockblocked themselves the way you do."

"Bella Swan, your mind is filthy," I mock scorned before turning to Jake and getting even more theatrical, "and you Jake Black." I held my head and mock swooned. "There isn't enough bleach in the world."

They began popping invisible collars and breathing on their nails to shine them and fixing their hair.

"Bella's a bigger cockblock than me!" I yelled out suddenly before sprinting out of the cafeteria and away from her before she caught on. I knew Jake would agree with me on that one but he loved his balls too much to get in Bella's way.

"I'LL GET YOU, EDWARD ANTHONY CULLEN!" I couldn't help but laugh at my outright stupidity as I made a mad dash into the male bathroom; this wouldn't stop Bella but the person I ran into in there might.

"Yo, Edward, you almost made me shit a brick there. You can't just come pelting into the toilet like that." Jasper's easy smile was contagious and even though his eyes were still wide from fright at my sudden appearance, I required his help.

"Hey, man, if Bella passes through her, I never was here." Poor Jasper looked confused but agreed to help me anyway. Heaving myself up onto the cubicle walls, arms flailing as I tried to keep my balance, I pulled a it's-now-or-never stunt and dived through the little window, grabbing the bough that was coming up fast and dangled there for a good few seconds before dropping onto soft green grass.

"Hey, Bella," Jasper drawled easily but his voice was muffled by the half-of-a-foot concrete wall.

"Hey, Jasper. Have you seen Edward?"

"Oh yeah, I have." What the fuck? Did he not realize that my balls were on the line at the moment. "He passed through then he ducked around to the Biology lab." Oh mih god thank you so much for the two people who produced that brilliant boy! Fuck, no. I had Biology next. What had happened the last time I had teased Bella about boys?. . .Nothing good.

_September 2008_

"_Bella, it's your seventeenth birthday, not your fortieth!" Okay, I could accept all of her eccentricities but fuzzy hand cuffs?! Someone, please kill me now._

"_I don't want them for sex, Edward, I just think they're pretty." She ogled at the shiny metal and hot pink fuzz - aw, damn, why does that have to sound so damn wrong? - before snapping at me. Again. "So buy them for me."_

_I swore women just got crabbier and crabbier with each passing year. "I feel sorry for the poor bastard who marries you." She punched me. "I'll volunteer to help him kill himself when he knocks you up." Another punch._

"_No! My huzzy and I shall have nice, kinky, loving fun!"_

"_I feel even more sorry for him. With his luck, he might only get arthritis from jacking off so much." No punch. Fuck, I'd cross a red line. I turned to look at her slowly, trying to put it off for as long as possible, praying profusely that she was about to burst out laughing and not looking at me with that I-hope-your-balls-shrivel-up-and-drop-off glare. Dammit! It was the glare._

"_Run." Yeah, I didn't need to be told twice. My strides were as long as they cud get but something collided with the back of my head and I was out cold_

_**************************************************************************_

_I groaned at the throbbing ache at the back of my head a I came to, slightly disoriented before I realized that I was cuffed to Bella's bed, dressed in some very feminine clothing with make up on and icky, gooey honey and whip cream all over me. I was one huge mess and naturally, she took a picture of it and posted it was her profile picture on Facebook._

January 2009

Decidedly, the safest thing to do would be to text her so I went with that idea, still outside of the male washroom.

_I'm sorry, sweetheart, you know I was just joking…3_

I waited with baited breathe for her reply.

_Ok, ok, but you're buying me some ice cream…=D_

_No problems.. Jake coming too?… Not too sure if I have that kind of money on me… lol_

_Yeah… He says he's game and he's buying… =D … YAY!_

_Lol. Cool. See you in Gym… =)_

_Byebye… =)_

With my phone safely tucked away in my pocket, I made my way to class with an extra large grin on my face. No punishment and I get ice cream with my family after detention? Yeah, that was a pretty sweet deal.

_September 2007_

"_Are you proud of yourself, Marie?"_

"_Yup, pretty much."_

_My forehead smacked itself against the smooth wooden surface of the desk in sharp, rapid strikes. How. Ouch. Does. Ouch. Someone. Ouch. Manage. Ouch. To. Ouch. Get. Ouch. Detention. Ouch. On. Ouch. The/ ouch. First. Ouch. Day. Ouch. Of. Ouch. High. Ouch. School. Ouch! Thin fingers fisted themselves in my hair and held my head a considerable distance away from the desk to stop my self-mutilation. Bella just had to go and pick that fight with Lauren and I just had to get involved when Tyler, Lauren's boyfriend, got involved. How the hell was I suppose to explain a busted lip to Carlisle that he didn't inflict. I'm definitely going to get a beating this evening…and I was just recovering from the last…_

"_I didn't mean for you to get in trouble too, Tony." The pout was crystal clear in her voice._

"_I know, honey, just relax, okay."_

"_Okay."_

_By the time we actually got to detention, both Bella and I were ready to run for the hills, screaming at the top of our lungs. High school was - for lack of a better word - a disaster._

_Can you spell boredom? H-I-G-H S-C-H-O-O-L, Boredom. Thoroughly fed up, we plopped down onto the uncomfortable plastic chairs, shifting around until someone came to us. _

"_Hey, Marie" She looked up at me with a slight scowl as she wiggled her butt harder into the seat._

"_Yeah."_

"_Wanna go for ice cream after?" Her whole face lit up like Christmas morning all over again._

"_Seriously?!" She was bouncing up and down in her seat now, hitting her rump repeatedly on the callous surface. That was going to smart later.._

"_Yeah, sure. My treat. We'll even grab Jake before we go." I pulled the long sleeves of my beat up cashmere sweater over my fingers before folding my hands on the table and laying my head down on my makeshift pillow._

"_Cool!" She pressed her lips forcefully into the back of my head before tenderly ruffling it and saying, "I like your hair, Tony. It's soft and warm. Just like you."_

"_I like you too, Marie."_

"_That's too bad." I heard her whisper and my brow scrunched up where it was pressed into my forearms. "'Cause I love you."_

_My shoulders shook in silent chuckles. "I love you too!" I yelled into my sweater._

**AN:- Okay…a bit of friendly fluff…a lot of fun…be good to me and review!! Love, Zakh.**


	4. Big Boys Don't Cry

**AN:- Here's another chapter for you. I'm sorry it took so long or me to update this story. I got discouraged as no one seemed to be reading it. So thank you to the one person who added it to their story alert this month. Thanks for helping me continue. Here's chapter four.**

Edward Cullen

January 2009

The house was empty when I turned up that evening around six. I was pretty grateful for that. Relaxing the tension from my shoulders with a quick shake of my arms, I made a beeline for the kitchen and refrigerator. The fridge door required a little elbow grease to get it open but the cold beer on the shelf was worth it. The can of Bud cracked open with a small fizzing noise, frothing over a little and a tiny bead of beer dripped onto my finger. As was customary when I was home alone, I sat down in the leather armchair, furthest from the television, sipping at the Bud until I had finished half of it to turn on the television and watch some anime in Spanish.

"You speak Spanish now?" I froze, my knuckles growing white around the can.

"No. I just like to watch the artwork."

"Oh, ok. I didn't know you drank, Edward," Carlisle sneered, tapping his forefinger against the top of the can, "but then again, you are almost seventeen after all. One can of beer won't kill you. Mind if I join you?"

"No. Would you like me to get you a can?"

Carlisle cocked an eyebrow at me. "No. Pour me a glass of Jack on the rocks."

"Ok." I got up unsteadily, resting my Bud on the kitchen counter as I fixed him his drink. A beating was coming, I just knew it. He was never this nice or accepting. I was not allowed to drink under any condition; my mother had never liked it and he was adamant about keeping me away from alcohol, what a hypocrite he was. With my Bud in my left hand and his Jack in my right, I went back into the living room. He was seated in the armchair I had vacated watching the priest from Trinity Blood go apeshit on some other vampire with bored eyes and a cruel smirk on his face.

"This is what my son watches in his spare time?" he spat, looking up at me with a wrinkled nose, "How…" I knew the words were on his tongue but he just chose to prolong my tension. "…delightful." He took the drink from my loose hand and began sipping on it, rolling his eyes back into his head as the bitter liquid hit the back of his throat. "Go to bed, Edward, I really am not in the mood to deal with you tonight. I've had enough of adolescent fuckheads for the day."

Feeling insulted but greatly relieved, I scrambled from the room, draining my beer and binning it before heading up to turn in for the night. I knew I had just gotten lucky - very lucky - and I also knew that the chances of it happening again ranged from paper thin to zero.

_January 2007_

"_I'm really not in the mood to deal with you today, so just go up to your room." I looked at him warily but complying with dragging steps. Once I my room, I felt hot tears running down my cheeks and broken, ragged sobs sawing in and out of my mouth. I'd gotten away. I felt my body for good measure, making sure it was all real. My knees buckled and I collapsed onto the floor, staring vacuously ahead before, decidedly, scrambling to my feet and jumping out of the window. My landing onto the arbour roof was rough and the flimsy wood shook a bit, fresh petals falling from the jostling motion. With practiced movements, I scurried down the side and landed heavily on the lawn. I looked up at my bedroom window and bolted, heading straight for Bella's._

* * *

_My fist thumped away at the door for all its worth and I was about a few seconds away from screaming for her. Grumbling was heard for a while before the door was yanked out of the way. I fell into the house with the swinging motion of my fist and landed with a whoosh at Charlie's boots._

"_Edward?" He righted me, dusting off my shirt. "Are you looking for Bella?" I nodded. "Well, I'm sorry son, she's not here. She went over to Angela's house for 'girl time'." He looked incredibly uncomfortable as he said this. "How about I tell her you stopped by?"_

_I couldn't tell him that I needed to see her, that I had to make everything ok. "Uh, sure, ok." I took off, running even further away from my house and straight over to Angela's, not even bothering to wonder whether Angela and Bella would be upset with my sudden appearance. Everything flew by in blobs as I ran, looking smeared; nothing seemed real. "I need you," I whimpered almost breathlessly to Bella, "Please." It couldn't have been much further. I turned another corner, picking up my pace, my breath burning my lungs. A mailbox marked 'Weber' caught my eye and I skidded to a stop at the end of the walk. "Bella!" I screamed, falling onto my knees and gasping for breath. I think I was hyperventilating. "I can't let her see me like this," I muttered to myself, pulling myself up to my feet and breathing heavily. "Bella!" I called, wiping furiously at my damp eyes._

"_Oh my God, Edward!" I heard her scream from inside before she burst through the door, darting down the walk to me. "Tony, are you ok?" she asked frantically._

"_My mum…" I whispered, those words seeming to be the only reason I could come up with. "My mum…"_

"_It's okay," she soothed, taking my arm and leading me into the house. I felt older than my fourteen years._

"_Hey, Edward," Angela said happily, trying to lighten all of us up. I smiled crookedly at her. "We were just about to play Halo and Bella was boasting about how good you are" Bella mumbled next to me, "Well, he is." Angela and I both laughed. "So you wanna play with Bella? I don't mind watching 'cause I always get my butt whopped." She was such a nice girl and I found my mood getting lighter and brighter, things becoming a bit more solid. I looked around at Bella who smiled angelically up at me. My throat tighten and her fingers were hot on my arm._

"_Sure," I grinned._

January 2009

I wasn't about to go running to Bella tonight but I still needed the contact. Fishing my laptop from beneath my bed, I booted p and signed in on Messenger. Not even a few second after I signed in, I got an IM.

Chez_Marie_à_Paris: hey! I thought you'd never sign in. q_q

Tony_ima-get-free_Cullen: hey. I was jus watchin sm tv. Chillaxin.

Chez_Marie_à_Paris: kk. Kl. You looked really nice today. =)

Tony_ima-get-free_Cullen: you already said that this morning. Lol

Chez_Marie_à_Paris: I knw bt ima emphasizin. Lol. You should dress like that more often. It suits u not to mention sm of da things the girls were saying in da locker-room. wink, wink, nudge, nudge

Tony_ima-get-free_Cullen: u nt exactly givin me mre reason to dress like da again. O_O

Chez_Marie_à_Paris: for once in your life, stop being a cockblock.

Tony_ima-get-free_Cullen: -_-

Chez_Marie_à_Paris: I knw I said abt not getting a gf for my benefit but some of the girls genuinely like you…I'm just sayin da maybe u should giv sm of them a chance…

Tony_ima-get-free_Cullen: Can I confess?

Chez_Marie_à_Paris: Sure. =).

I laughed a her encouragement.

Tony_ima-get-free_Cullen: I don't think I want a girlfriend…

Chez_Marie_à_Paris: Why not? O_O

Tony_ima-get-free_Cullen: I have you. There's nothing missing in my life. Even though I have no romantic connections, I'm still complete because of you.

Chez_Marie_à_Paris: =')

Tony_ima-get-free_Cullen: You're crying???

Chez_Marie_à_Paris: happy tears. =')

Tony_ima-get-free_Cullen: =) ok. But if you want me to try dating, I don't mind…

Chez_Marie_à_Paris: Just go out with Ang once please.

Tony_ima-get-free_Cullen: Ang as in ANGELA WEBER??? O_O

Chez_Marie_à_Paris: yup. Lol. She's had a crush on you for the past two years. Since the Halo thing.

Tony_ima-get-free_Cullen: Uh…I only see her as a frend…=

Chez_Marie_à_Paris: hmmm…u cud still take her out. U knw Ben Cheney has a thing for her? Put in a gd wrd for ol' Benny-boy.

Tony_ima-get-free_Cullen: Nice. =)

Chez_Marie_à_Paris: I knw. =D

Tony_ima-get-free_Cullen: Maybe you and Ben can double with us.

Chez_Marie_à_Paris: Yeah! And we can fill Ben in so he won't feel left out or want to bash your brains in with his light saber. XD

Tony_ima-get-free_Cullen: -_- yeah. Lol. You know, I really should start hanign with boys. You're turning me into a pussy. =/

Chez_Marie_à_Paris: srry kid. U were born da way. :P

Tony_ima-get-free_Cullen: psssh..Whaeva!

Chez_Marie_à_Paris: lol. Yo, battery about to die and I'm too lazy to plug it in so I'll see you tomorrow.

Tony_ima-get-free_Cullen: kk. Night. Sweeet dreams. Love you. Bye.

Chez_Marie_à_Paris: =) nighty-night. Sweety dreams to you too. Love you too! Byebye.

'Chez_Marie_à_Paris is now offline'. I shook my head and shut down, storing it back under my bed. Bella…was something. I'd never been confused about Bella before but now I was. The lines of our friendship weren't blurring, no, not at all but the lines that kept my secrets at bay were. I wanted to tell her; everything. She was the only one who deserved to know that truth. I just wanted to know how she'd react to it. With a sigh, I rolled off the bed and stripped down to my boxer briefs, shuffling over to the full length mirror to look at what I'd become. Slowly, one by one, I felt my piercing; was I any better for hurting myself? Even if it was for her? Was I right for letting her hurt herself when she was already so beautiful? I was suppose to be her guardian angel, there to take away the pain, not help it along.

"Chez Marie à Paris," I said sadly, "mais chez moi à Marie. Je t'ai adoré hier. Je t'adore aujoud'hui, Je t'adorerai demain." Even as I said it, I knew it wouldn't be enough to buffer the hurt of my lies.

**AN: ok, I've finally updated this story. PLEASE - I beg you! - review me!!!!! Please don't make me go to an extreme length to NOT UPDATE ANY OF MY OTHER STORIES until I get a review for this!**


	5. Hey there, Pretty Girl

**AN:- Call me greedy for wanting reviews for this story and my other but reviews give me motivation and I'm nah lying. Please!!!! ='( Here's chapter five.**

**WARNING:- THIS CHAPTER HAS SERIOUS VIOLENCE IN IT.**

Edward Cullen

January 2009

Sleep didn't come easy that night so I was extra tired when I woke up to the sound of horrific noise emanating from somewhere beneath me. I stumbled out of the bed and out of my room, nearly tripping over my feet and falling down the stairs. I sobered up and woke up when I went into the living room. Carlisle was looking at me patiently, with a creepy smile. I felt my body drain of everything; every thought, every feeling, even Bella.

"Ah, I see you're up," He grinned at me hugely, opening his arms in a misplaced, convivial gesture, "I took the liberty of calling the Swans and the school to inform them and you would not be attending school for a little while." Bile hit my throat and I wished it would just burn the fuck through my heart. "You see," he looked to his side and picked up a shard of glass he had sharpened with the monstrosity of the machine that brought back thoughts of _The Mangler_ to me. "You and I are going to have a little father-son time seeing as I've been working so much for the past couple of weeks and I miss you." Oh God no, fuck no, please! The bile hit my throat again, a wave of panic crashing over me and drowning out all else. I couldn't have swam against it and I was going down fast, soon enough to be engulfed in the murky grey of fear. He watched the glass gleam and wink good-naturedly at him, his freaky smile still locked, albeit effortlessly, in place.

"I-I-"

"You what, Edward?" he coaxed me, his eyes never leaving the glass, "You didn't do anything wrong, right? Wrong. You know your mother didn't like drinking and yet you do it. It's your fault she's dead in the first place so I'm going to be a good father and discipline you."

That was all it took for me to spill my gut all over the floor. I retched and heaved until I brought up mucus, my eyes closed and nose wrinkled at the putrid smell. I screamed out at the feeling of the glass digging and dragging across my back, from my right shoulder to my left hip. It hurt so fucking bad. The only word I could see was 'hurt' floating around in my head. He dragged it through the gash again, deepening it. He hit my spine this time, my muscles screaming and agonizing along with me, choking when I puked again. My eyes fluttered open, blurred and almost blind, to see blood in my vomit. I saw a face floating in the gore, vague and familiar, beautiful and sickening in the mess. "Who are you?" I whispered brokenly.

Carlisle grabbed me by my hair and dragged me away from the puddle, throwing me across the room. I rolled onto my back, shrieking and arching up off of the floor. "I cut some of your muscles, Edward." Oh fuck! I screamed again at the feeling of the skin pulling away from each other as I relaxed back onto the wood. "You won't be able to move properly let alone walk for weeks and that's a promise." How was he going to pull that off. I somehow managed to push myself until my chest, panting, my jaw rubbing against the floor as I gritted my teeth against the pain. "I, mean, we live in Forks, we go camping, bear attacks happen." He let out a nice little laugh to punctuate the excitement in his voice.

"You're going to mangle me?" I choked out and as if to prove his point, he swiftly bent down and cut me again, right beneath the first, hitting my bone just as savagely. My tears ran in fast, seemingly never-ending, dripping from my lashes, from my nose. I saw that face dancing behind my lids.

"You're so beautiful…" Her eyes were warm and shiny.

"I'm sure whoever she is, you'll never have a chance in hell with her," Carlisle sneered and he was right for once. She was too beautiful, too perfect and I had no fucking idea who she was. "You want her don't you?" I nodded as he cut me again, stabbing into my shoulder and dragging it a bit. He did it four times. "You want her to be yours. You want to hold her, to kiss her, to be with her always, don't you?"

"Yes!" I hollered, making the mistake of arching into the glass. It slipped so easily further into me and he made it worse by dragging it. A high keening sound ripped itself from my throat. She danced behind my lids again, slower her hair floating and swirling around her face. "I want her!"

"I don't think she wants you. Why should she want you? A sick, sad, little fuck-up like you." I felt shallower scratches being made around the deeper ones for authenticity. I got two more deep gashes across my back but I fought to ignore the pain in favour for watching the girl. "You can't do anything right. You'll never be able to do anything right. You'll just fuck her life up too." _'Stay with me, pretty girl…'_ My breathing came quicker and shallower, my body cold-sweating, my limbs trembling. "You're better off dead." Her eyes winked at me in a way that didn't seem foreign. Carlisle brought down the glass like a knife through my shoulder and with that wave of nausea and pain, I drowned in a blackness, my pretty girl beckoning me deeper with her smiling eyes, swinging hips and soft, small but long hands. _'I know you, pretty girl…'_

_December 2008_

_It was a few weeks before Christmas and a few days before school let out. The Christmas dance-party-thingy was this Saturday and Bella was hell-bent on getting me there. She even had a dress picked out and everything, which was why I was here, in her room, on her bed, waiting for her to get out of her bedroom. She wanted my approval for it, God knows why she chose me. Wasn't this something women did with other women? I was positive it was. She hadn't given me a a proper description of the dress, claiming that she didn't want to 'spoil the surprise'. So, here I was, lying on my stomach, further fraying the edge of her bed sheet, bored out of my fucking mind as I waited on her._

"_Bella!"_

"_Edward!"_

"_Hurry up, asshole!"_

"_Asshole, you say?" She stepped out of the bathroom then, he hands on her hip. My jaw dropped. Her dress was white and gossamer like winter snow, gathered up on her left shoulder to hold the dress up and at her waist to define just how tiny it was. Three strips of the material hung down her right arm in loops to her elbow, lengths of the excess material streaming behind her. The dress went down as far as her mid-thigh, maybe a little higher in petal like layer that still clung drastically to her nicely flared hips. She had these nice strappy silver heels on her feet with slender chandelier beads of silver and crystal hanging around her ankle. She'd even done up her hair - well, undo. It barrelled down her back in big curls, held back away from her face with a partial halo of chiffon, lace and crystal flowers behind her head. "So, how do I look?" She spun once for me, the layers lifting and falling._

"_Beautiful," I blurted, getting up off the bed, awkwardly, "like a little winter fairy."_

_She visibly lit up, bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet, bounding across the room to me and launching herself into my arms. "Will you come with me now?" I don't think it was possible to say no to her then._

"_Ok, pretty girl, I will." I was smiling ridiculously at her. Knowing she would be really excited to dress me up._

"_Good," she laughed, "there's your tie and shirt." Sure enough on a chair, I saw a white linen shirt and a white silk tie._

"_Anything for you, my pretty girl."_

January 2009

My eyes fluttered open to the site of sirens and trees, the sound of crying and wailing. Bella and Charlie loomed into my vision. Bella was crying and struggling in Charlie's arms trying to get to me. Her eyes were wet, warm and shiny.

"Hey there, pretty girl," I gurgled, coughing and spluttering, reaching weakly for her.

"Oh God, Edward, don't leave me!" I wanted to tell her not to cry but she looked pretty when she cried too. So vulnerable…I wanted to hold her and love her like I did and make her pain go away. I wanted to tell her everything. The line wasn't just blurred anymore. I was certain. She had to know but what if she left me?

"I love you, pretty girl…" I hoped she's know that I did, no matter what. I hoped it was enough to hold us together for what was to come. I thought that I heard her say "I love you too, beautiful boy."

**AN:- ok, people. Be proud of me. Two stories updated in one day? That is impressive ok. Lol. Please enjoy.**


	6. Oh Fuck

**AN:- so how is everyone feeling about the last chapter? Although the ending is still a way off, I'd like to thank all of your who reviewed me. Peace, love and tequila shots. However, if you don't drink or aren't legal [like me], peace, love and orange juice. Chapter six, dearies. **

Edward Cullen

January 2009

I couldn't see anything but my eyes were open. I stretched my eyelids as far back as they could go but still there was nothing but grey; a large, flat expanse of grey all around me. Then I heard a small snore next to me. Slowly I blinked, flickering my eyes carefully around the space. I made out seams where ceilings ended and walls began, I made out the vague shape of chairs in the monochromatic room, then I made out the shape of a rumpled head of brown hair next to my arm.

Bella…

I raised my throbbing arms to look at my damage. It was disgusting. He'd managed to fuck up as much of me as possible and the thing was that it all looked believable. The cuts weren't bandaged at the moment but I could see the residue of surgical tape around them. I dropped them on my stomach, thinking back to it.

"_You're so beautiful…" Her eyes were warm and shiny._

"_I'm sure whoever she is, you'll never have a chance in hell with her," Carlisle sneered and he was right for once. She was too beautiful, too perfect and I had no fucking idea who she was. "You want her don't you?" I nodded as he cut me again, stabbing into my shoulder and dragging it a bit. He did it four times. "You want her to be yours. You want to hold her, to kiss her, to be with her always, don't you?"_

"_Yes!" I hollered, making the mistake of arching into the glass. It slipped so easily further into me and he made it worse by dragging it. A high keening sound ripped itself from my throat. She danced behind my lids again, slower her hair floating and swirling around her face. "I want her!"_

Bella…

"Bella," I whispered, resting my hand on her head, "All the lines are blurring and I've now seen it but you don't need that. I don't need that. We don't need that. I just need us, I just need you, as we are. This is enough and all we need but you need to know why all of this is happening. I can't go on lying to you like this. This isn't love in any proper way." I stroked my busted fingers through her hair and I began to sing low and slow for her.

_Do you know I can never leave you_

_And no, I can never beat you_

_And I find that I can never find you_

_Nevermind, I will not forget you_

I had sung her asleep on many an occasion as she had cried herself sick from all the stress with her parents. I knew when she had cried. There was always a defeated slump to her shoulders and, like now, she snored when she slept after a long crying jag.

_Can I stay alive forever?_

_Can I stay alive forever?_

_Can I stay alive forever?_

…_Forever?_

If only we could've stayed together forever, just existing and being us, without all of this. If only we hadn't come from bad homes. If only we weren't teeter-tottering on the edge of this thing. We couldn't keep balancing like this but I could keep fighting to live for her.

_Can you feel a chemical reaction_

_Cause I feel a hideous attraction_

_Could we share a poisoned apple?_

_Can it be manacle and awful?_

Nothing should've been anything less than wonderful for Bella after a life of thorns and brambles that was smeared over what should've been roses and sunshine.

_Can I stay alive forever?_

_Can I stay alive forever?_

_Can I stay alive forever?_

…_Forever?_

_Forever?_

_Stay alive forever?_

…_Forever?_

_Stay alive forever?_

_Stay alive forever?_

_Stay alive forever?_

_Stay alive forever?_

_Stay alive forever?_

"Stay with me forever." My hand froze in her hair. She started up suddenly and my heart began breaking repeatedly for her. Her hair fell in thin lifeless wisps around her face which was haggard and pale. There were dark purple circles around her flat eyes, bloodshot and heavy-lidded. She looked like she'd been crying forever. Bella looked around the room wildly then sat unmoving when her gaze fell on me. I saw more tears build up in her eyes. "Edward? Please tell me you're up for real this time, please. Just tell me that I'm not dreaming. I can't take it." I looked at her confused but before I could make any assurances, she continued, "Last time when you woke you, you screamed and you wouldn't stop. Your eyes…" The tears spilt down her face. "Oh god, your eyes…they rolled up into your head and you just wouldn't stop screaming and swearing." Bella's sobs reached to a point of hysteria and she rocked back and forth in the chair. "When they sedated you, they said that you went into a coma. That was three weeks ago." I shifted around as she crawled up into the bed with me, putting her knees on either side of my legs and her hands on either side of my head, kneeling over me. "Please don't tell me that you're awake, that I haven't gone crazy." Her tears fell heavy and salty on my face and my throat was thick with shock and any sound I tried to make sounded like I was choking.

"Bella," I rasped out as best as I could, "Bella, here. I'm awake." A coughing fit took me then and I blubbered uncontrollably for a while but her gaze never wavered. _Pretty girl…_ I gulped down huge amounts of air before trying to speak again. Bella looked like she would never stop crying and when her tears rolled down my cheeks I felt like I was crying too. "I'm awake." I held her face between my palms, swiping at her relentless tears with my thumbs. "I'm awake and I'm here with you. Please, stop crying, Marie."

"Oh god, Tony!" she cried harder, her tears falling into my mouth, rolling off my cheeks into my ears, making my face sticky with the feel of her sorrow. Her sorrow was nevermore tangible, perpetually burnt onto my skin, the salty taste soaked into my tongue and my heart beat in my throat so adamantly. I was suffocating under her misery. "I thought I'd lost you. I can't…you promised…you promised me you wouldn't ever leave me." She crashed down onto me when her arms gave out and that shit hurt but I bit my lip as hard as I could to muffle my groans of pain. I didn't have the heart to move her even though I felt cuts cracking and oozing. I held her close to me and let her crying everything out of her soul.

"I'm not going anywhere," I vowed over and over again into her hair, inhaling her scent of girl and chocolate, strawberries and a spice rack. "I'll be here always." My everything hurt looking at her like this. She was this tragedy that I didn't - couldn't - stop reading because she fit just right into my own horror story. I wouldn't tell her yet, not until I was up and running, not until…at this rate, I'd never fucking tell her anything. I was going to be seventeen this year and this shit was just getting worse. Where she had made everything real for me, now she pulled me back into a *half-house existence where I wasn't too sure if I was alive anymore.

_Fuck this shit…for my birthday she'd know __**everything.**_

***half-house :- reference from **_**Precious**_**. That movie is a must watch. It was beautiful and sad and pulled all he right heart-strings**

**AN:- very short chapter. Sorry to all my readers for this length. This one is mostly a filler chapter but hey, hey, hey Edward took a turn. Leave me some love.**


	7. Tell Me What It Is

**AN:- ok, my brand new readers have inspired me to update so soon! So here's chapter seven! I dunno how much again I have for this story but I hope it finishes and feels complete when it does. As I'm writing this AN I have no idea what's going to happen in this chapter so if there's any violence, be warned, if there's any angst, well, suck it up 'cause this entire story is based on angst. Enjoy! Peace, love and orange juice [well, screwdrivers if you've been having a rough week - tequila if you feeling like passing out]**

Edward Cullen

January 2009

I'd been in here for three weeks she had said and every step of the way, my father, even with his minor injuries - that fuck was thorough - insisted on tending to me and it had been no shock that he'd sedated me so constantly. I hadn't been in a coma and I wasn't sure if he knew that I knew that he'd been fucking with my IV. It was hard to miss the familiar feel of morphine slugging itself through my veins. He should've known better by now. Bella hadn't left me, always snuggled up against my side even though it was making my injuries take even more time to heal but she wouldn't have been moved. Charlie tried to move her and it was a horrendous affair. She went ballistic, scraping and kicking against him, looking at my sympathetic face with blurred up eyes. Only when she started screaming did I make to move. I had sit up, despite the tearing in my back, and began lifting my legs out of the bed, panting and sweating with effort.

"No!" she had screamed, pulling against her father, "No, Charlie! Put me the fuck down! No! Edward!" Carlisle, seeing what I was doing, had pushed me unceremoniously back into the bed. Bella had slid down her father's legs and unto the floor. "If I leave I won't see him again," she had sobbed, hiccupping and coughing, "He'll leave me and he can't. He promised 'cause he said he loved me and he has to stay." With deep heart-broken eyes, she had regarded her father, looking nothing short of pathetic. My lungs had felt smaller. "he has to stay with me because I love him too." Had my heart hope for a moment in the wrong direction? "family doesn't leave family. He can't leave me and I won't leave him." Oh Bella, give me reason not to hope that way. They had given into her but I hadn't missed the look of smug knowing and satisfaction on Carlisle's face. _Oh fuck, he knew her…He knew it __**was**__ her…_

Bella stirred gently next to me, sighing before snuggling deeper into me. My eyelids had felt a little heavy watching her dozing and I was just about to drift into what I presumed was a comfortable sleep when I felt a sharp sensation on my shoulder, like little teeth and sure enough, Bella was sleep-gnawing on my shoulder through my gown. She would leave a mark but she looked like she was having a nice dream. I chuckled and watched her gnaw until she stopped and mumbled, "Dad, more pizza. Edward and I are hungry." She was funny. She picked up her gnawing and when it seemed like it was normal to be gnawed on, I closed my eyes and dreamt of _Bella_ for the first time…

"_Edward," she whispered, sitting cross legged on my bed in the dress she had worn for the Winter Formal _- so that's what it was called. _Her hair had been relieved of the flowers and her make-up was cleaned from her face but the glimmer of the residue lit up her face and neck in small specks of light. The white rose corsage I had pinned onto my lapel at the dance sat on her left shoulder like it had been there all along. "Come." She held out her arms to me, open wide and beckoning and I stumbled over to the bed and fell down into them. My jacket and tie was gone and my shirt was in a disarray of open buttons and pushed up sleeves. The softness of her dress on my cheek made me sigh. She pulled me tighter to her breasts, cradling my head like my mother had and rocking me back and forth. "I know."_

_Shocked, I pulled away from her and sat straight like a pin. __**Know**__? What was she talking about? Did she know about my father…_

"_I know everything," she whispered, holding her arms open again for me. Her dress was bloodied and I recoiled in fear then, raising my hand to shield myself, I saw that it was I who had bloodied her with every scar coming to life on my skin. "I know everything and it's ok." Hesitantly, I curled back into her embrace. I buried my face in her chest, smearing her lovely dress with more blood from my cheeks and lips. Then, on my bleeding skull, she peppered kisses, even more across my forehead, wet and sticky, red and soft, Bella and only Bella. We rocked back and forth, a little faster, a little slower, back and forth, side to side, languidly rhythmic, carelessly staccato. Courage build inside my slowly, slithering up my throat and wetting my tongue, dry before with nerves. My hands, on the small of her back, rubbed carefully up and down the length of her back, shoulders to waist, moving out to her sides. I never touched her breasts of her ass with them but I stopped at her hips and held on for dear life. My lips puckered, touching her heart through the dress - through everything - then, opening and closing my mouth, they climbed her chest to her skin. She sighed at the feeling of my top lip brushing the skin above the neckline of the dress. They continued, never hungry or rough, just soft and persistent. I made it up the column of her throat, under her chin, up her chin. My face drew away from hers before I could touch her lips but she, with a love so uncommon and so ours brightening her eyes and colouring her cheeks, pulled me back in and kissed me soundly on my lips._

_She kissed me…_

_There was no fire, no flames or explosions. There was no tongue or teeth, no wanton need or insatiable passion. No, there was none of that. Our lips opened and closed together, once or twice, her lip would fall between mine. My hands stayed on her hips, and like I had said, I held on for dear life for fear of fading out of this and her hands cradling my cheeks in her palms. Beautiful fingers that felt like a safe harbour and strawberry lips that didn't want me to exist alone anymore, long sweeping eyelashes that kissed my eyelids and cheekbones with a different tilt of her head, her heartbeat thumping in tenor to the bass of mine and playing a soft lulling tune, she was everywhere. Her left hand slipped down to my chest. She parted my shirt and laid her palm flat against my beating heart._

"_It's beating like my drum," I said against her mouth and swallowed her breath, "Beating steady and strong, uninhibited and determined, like my drum. Enamoured and proud, like my drum." My hand, reluctantly, pressed her hand down. "For you."_

"_I love you," she murmurs and I made to reply but she claimed my lips again. Her other hand curled around my neck and held me prisoner to her affections. "Blood and scars…everything." She didn't pull me back. She let her eyes sweep over my face. "Everything."_

"_Everything," I repeat, trying it out. It tasted like her. It tasted like us. It tasted like life…_

I awoke with a gasp of shock, my heart hammering away heavily in my chest. She was still sleeping. Bella's jeans had dirty spots on the knees like she'd been kneeling in dirt and there was a hole in the sleeve of her long-sleeved jersey at the elbow. She looked all kinds of awful but her cheeks were the same colour that they had been in my dream.

"Hey, Bella," I said in a whisper, smiling with a quick quirk of the corner of my lip and knowing she was out for the count, "tell me what love is." Shaking my head at myself, I tore my eyes away from her and sighed heavily, sinking my head back into the pillow. The seconds clicked off on the cheap clock in the corner. The minutes were counted in the cracks littered on the wall. The hour passed like a drag through hell before, so soft I could barely hear it, Bella spoke in a groggy voice, more asleep than awake. Time stood still when the clock refused to stop for me to realize that it did.

"You."

**AN:- okay, that was shocking for even me. But now, here at the end of this short chapter - sorry about that, by the way. It's because there as no flash backs - I realize that I want to take a few chapters to build on what Edward's feeling for Bella so he'll be in the hospital for two, three for the most, chapters. Leave me some love.**


	8. I'm Scared and Maybe It's Ok

AN:- peeks nervously terribly sorry this has taken so long. I've been in exams. I'm trying to give the lot of you who read my stuff a nice long chapter and thank you for reading me for all of this time. Possibly even staying with me through my long absences. I hope you're still there. Review please.

**Edward Cullen**

**February 2009**

**Things just keep getting better and better, didn't they? My aunt flew out to see me four weeks after I'd woken up. She flounced into my room not looking like my Aunt Tanya at all. Her long strawberry-blond curls were tangled into a knot at the top of her head and she was wearing relax fit jeans, an old college sweat-shirt and what looked like Converses. I'd always loved her the best out of all of my relatives. She was my Mum's eldest sister, senior by three years. I remembered asking her when I was twelve that if I didn't find a girl as pretty as her, if she'd wait for me to turn legal so I could marry her. Well, I knew better now. Aunt Tanya batted for the other team and was happily married three years on the twelfth of next month with two adopted boys.**

**She flew to my side, knocking into Bella by accident who glared darkly at her. "Oh my god! Edward, baby!"**

"**Oh my god, Edward, baby!" Bella mouthed mockingly behind my aunt's back. I bit my lip to hide a smirk. They never got along.**

_**August 2004**_

"_**Aunt Tanya's coming!" I hollered and threw myself at Bella when she opened the door, both of us crashing down onto the carpet in the entryway. Bella's eyes were wide as she looked up at my face above her. Neither of us moved for a while but then she burst out laughing, her cheeks quickly reddening at her guffawing. Wow, she could've really laughed! I was amazed that something so tiny could make such big noises. When she managed to finish, she looked like a cherry tomato - tiny and red.**_

"_**Who's 'Aunt Tanya'?" I was mildly bemused by her air-quotes. **_

"_**Well." I felt my cheeks grow red and hot. "She's my mum's oldest sister and she's." With a deep breath I rushed ahead. "she's-really-pretty-and-I've-a-huge-crush-on-her."**_

_**Bella's eyes widened and I thought that they were going fall out, so poor stupid me, cupped my hands at the side of her head in case they rolled off the side of her face. "EWWWWWWWW!" she suddenly screamed out at me before dissolving into a fit giggles. "You have a crush on your aunt! An old lady!"**_

_**I was indignant. My aunt was a radiant angel with the prettiest hair and she was soft everywhere like a pillow even though she was slim. She had the most beautiful smile I'd ever seen next to my mother and she had large, warm green eyes. Not to mention she baked the best cookies ever baked on the face of the retarded planet. I was angered by Bella's statement so with a great bravado of grumbles, I pushed myself up - her eyes be damned - and went to pout and sulk on the sofa. I could've still heard Bella laughing.**_

"_**Tony?"**_

"_**Go away!" I rarely ever shouted at Bella.**_

"_**No."**_

"_**Yes."**_

"_**No. I'm sorry." I took one look at her hopeful smile and gave in. I couldn't be mad at my closest friend for something as stupid as a crush.**_

"_**It's okay." I smiled as big as I could with my aching jaw, both from laughing so much and a back-hand slap I had gotten for talking back. "You wanna meet her?"**_

_**Bella nodded enthusiastically, eager to appease me and I was beyond excited for my two favourite girls to meet each other. Then, I didn't know what Hell would unfold. I thanked anyone who listened that Carlisle was away.**_

_**I had showered earlier but my armpits and palms were clammy and wet. It was stuffy and uncomfortable in my brand new cashmere sweater. It was the green one that my cousin on Carlisle's side, Rosalie, had said would bring out my eyes. The only incentive I had to put it on was the phrase 'chick magnet'; she was seventeen so I figured she'd know for sure. Bella was sitting, amused at my fidgeting, looking very pretty in a short red cotton layered skirt and a white button down blouse that he father had frowned at. The door flew open at exactly five-thirty and my aunt strutted in, towing a large black and red suitcase. She pushed up her fancy black shades with the mirror lens. Her eyes made a quick sweep of the room, taking it in, probably looking for any changes since she'd been here when Mum died. After coming to the conclusion that we hadn't made any - if she'd check the bedroom, she'd still find all of my mum's clothing - she looked at me. Her face broke into a wide, face-splitting grin upon sighting me then fell slightly when she didn't recognize the company I had.**_

"_**Aunt Tanya!" I yelled and launched myself across the room to hug her, face red and shiny, losing my 'cool' out of sheer childish excitement for the goodies I knew she'd have stocked in her bag.**_

"_**Nephew Edward!" she cried teasingly, catching me in a huge flowery hug. She spent a good few moments scrutinizing my recently grown body much to my discomforted pleasure. Bella made exaggerated complaints silently, tapping the face on her watch, rolling her eyes and so on. "My, my, my, you've grown a foot!" Bella snorted like a pig behind me.**_

_**Blushing like I've never blushed before, I wiggled reluctantly out of her embrace and motioned Bella over. "Aunt Tanya, this is Bella, she's my-"**_

"_**Girlfriend?" Both Bella and I burst out into furious protests at the same time and Aunt Tanya looked at us closely, probably examining the truth of what we were saying.**_

"_**Good, she's not pretty enough."**_

_**It was the first time I heard Bella swear. She said it under her breath.**_

"_**Bitch."**_

**February 2009**

**Aunt Tanya was wailing with fat tears leaking out of her eyes by the time I recited the story Carlisle had given to me and even Bella shed a few wayward tears. I felt so fucked. I let her tuck her hand into my left while I swiped at the tears littering my beautiful aunt's cheeks with my right. I cupped my aunt's cheek tenderly, giving her a warm smile.**

"**Thank you, Aunt Tanya," I said earnestly, moving my hand to push her hair from her face, "for being here with me when," I swallowed thickly around my words, "my mum couldn't 'cause honestly I'm scared." She took my hand between both of mine and shushed me, wiping the tears that I hadn't felt from **_**my**_** cheeks. "I'm so scared." Bella's head, nudged at my shoulder and up into the crook of my neck. Only for them was the pain bearable.**

"**Please don't cry, Tony," she whispered, her warm breath tickling my skin."**

"**It's okay to be scared, honey," my aunt soothed, for once, nicely nudging Bella out of the way so she could lie me back properly unto the bed, "We all get scared. Bella and I, we're both scared." Bella nodded in agreement, smiling, strained at Aunt Tanya. "We came so close to losing you. You're like a son to me." She leaned away from me but not before kissing my forehead in only the way an aunt could.**

"**See, Edward?" Bella sounded mournfully triumphant. "You can't leave."**

**I wrapped my forearm around her shoulders and pulled her in for a soft kiss to her forehead. "It doesn't stop me from being scared, Marie. What if I never walk again?" Both their head shook vehemently with denial. I sighed. "It's not impossible. Carlisle told me it was a possibility. I may never be able to walk again and that means no band. Bye bye music scholarship." They crumpled into me, one on each side, whispering incoherent words of comfort and denial all wrapped up in sniffles. Never walk again…No band…I moaned in agony at the thought. My life just plummeted before me. Julliard was a no-go with Carlisle and he refused to pay my way through university. That band scholarship was my only shot, not being present for enough classes to qualify for an academic scholarship. How did one man fuck up the order of life itself?**

**Aunt Tanya had stayed, just like Bella and they even spoke nicely to each other, even if only for my sake. She had fallen asleep in a position much like the one Bella had been in when I had woken up but Bella sat cross-legged on my bed in the space I had shifted to provide in my green cashmere sweater that I had since I was twelve and black leggings riddled with ladders - she had gone home to change after Aunt Tanya had all but thrown her from the room with logic and brute force - with her unfocused eyes on my chest. Her fingers lazily traced the edges of the healed cuts, much shallower than those on my back.**

"**What are you afraid of?" Her question threw me slightly. "Is it really just the scholarship 'cause I'm sure we can talk to Mr. McKinnons about letting you use a wheelchair and having someone push you and everything." She was panicking, I could tell.**

"**No," I whispered, distractedly loosening my aunt's hair so that it spilled breath-taking-ly as per usual, "I won't be a charity case." She was going to argue. "Don't you dare. Come on, I'd be the sob story of the town." My voice had grown hard and bitter. "The little drummer boy who wants to make something out of himself. Who wouldn't pity me? Who wouldn't think it's a ploy to use my disability to get in? And then what? Huh, Bella?" She couldn't answer me, demanding and angry, for once in my fucking life, I was losing my shit in a direction coloured in nothing but red. "I won't be able to play on a university line but I'd still have to give up time to practise just so I could keep my scholarship. My grades would plummet and all for what?" I'd wrenched my hand away from her and it was now clenched in my hair. "I'll fucking tell you what. To sit down **_**next**_** to - not even **_**on**_** it - the bench in the usual dork, fucktarded band uniform with a forlorn drum in my lap." She was shocked at my outburst and thankfully she wasn't going to cry. I continued, "That's my future if I'm handicapped. So that leaves me at no school, no job and definitely no family 'cause I'm not dragging anyone down with me." Then I did it:**

**I screamed.**

**I screamed long and hard, keening like a dying animal, all the while wishing my father hadn't turned into a monster, all the while wishing I had died with my mother and siblings, all the while wishing I had never met Bella and ended up in this mess of a situation. When I was done there were tears of rage caught in my tear ducts. Thankfully, Aunt Tanya slept through war. I wish I saw fear in Bella's eyes and not that warm sympathy and poured out of her. God, I wanted to hide somewhere, away from her and that gaze. My anger buckled under it but I wanted to be mad and I wanted to rage and rant no matter how unhealthy it was.**

"**Tony," she whispered, putting her lips to my cheeks. Stubbornly, I turned my face away from her, clenching harder at my hair which was in dire need of a hair cut. **

"**No."**

**Insistent and nurturing, she pulled my face back to her and repositioned her lips on my cheeks. Would she always be so determined to heal me? "Tony?"**

"**Yes?" I sounded cruel and I could care less about it.**

"**Do you remember the first time I told you about my parents?" I nodded complacently. "I was scared." Her breathing hitched on my skin and her hands moved to rest on the side of my neck, holding my pulse. **_**'as close as she gets to holding my heart in a literal sense.' **_**"I was afraid that you wouldn't want to be my friend anymore because my family was so fucked up and that if the fact that I was ugly and weird wasn't enough to drive you away from me that this would sure do it."**

**My hand snaked around her waist to hold her thinning frame to my sore chest. "You weren't ugly or weird, Bella, you were adorable. Always were."**

**She chuckled. "Well, I know better now but then that was how I thought. I was so scared. I thought that if you left me I would have no one, I would be completely alone in this place that I could never seem to escape unless you pulled me out. I thought that I would have no friends and end up by myself through everything, no husband, no children, no boyfriends, no Charlie eventually, no Renee 'cause she never really was there to begin with." An awkwardness possessed me as I listened to the great hold I had on her life. "But now I realize that even if we didn't talk, you'd still be right there and my memories would always be with me. Even if we grew up without the friendship of each other to carry us through it all, you'd always be my Edward who made my days and put up with all my antics, my Edward who did whatever I wanted." Her fingers twirled the overgrown tendrils of my hair at the nape of my neck. She was comforting me instead of herself as she spoke. "I'd watch you grow up while I grew up too, loving you the way I have all these years. I'd watch you knock socks off of girls' feet." I shook my head, nudging her chin with my jaw as she laughed. "I'd watch you break heart after heart with your devilish looks and eventually settle down with some over-sized Barbie and have perfect little people."**

"…**the fuck?" I scoffed.**

"**Ok," she giggled, "maybe I lied about the last part. I imagined I would have watched you turn down girl after pretty girl until one eventually catch that heart of yours. She'd have beauty and brains and a good sense of humour 'cause I know you'd be bored if else wise." Silence took me as I listened, not knowing what to say when I wanted nothing more than to ask her if she saw herself being that girl. "Yeah, then I'd watch the whole town line up to look at both of you get married." She sighed content with her little fantasy of my happily ever after. "I think I'd smile when I see you and your wife, wrapped up in each other and completely in love walking with little children, a mix of you both." Her face shifted so that it was her cheeks against mine. "And I'd have Charlie with me as long as her possibly could tell God to keep him here. Damn, I love that old man." We both chortled. She could move on. She was strong and I was the dumbass who wouldn't know the next move before she walked away, literally. "But I don't have to imagine because you're here and none of us are going anywhere."**

"**Ok."**

"**Ok?" She pulled away to look at my face with probing eyes then scrunched up her nose. "You need a haircut."**

"**I know right," I said with a wry smile.**

**She cracked a small grin then looked down at Aunt Tanya. "You've got the world in front of you, ready to drop at your feet but sometimes that doesn't matter. What do you want?"**

**I pursed my lips at her question and let my tears actually spill onto the expanse of cheekbones. "Not the world."**

"**No?" She shook her head to punctuate it.**

"**Not the fame."**

"**No?" She shook her head again, her ponytail spilling over her shoulder this time. Her ever patient eyes did not waver as I near glared, water and salt, at her. "What do you want?"**

"**It's a loaded question."**

"**What do you want?" She cradled me to her chest, much like she had in my dream and my fingers, reflexively, found purchase on her hips. I bled tears on my sweater. "Just tell me."**

"**You."**

**I could hear the sobs erupting from the back of her throat, choked and sore, and I felt my tears come quicker. My pride hurt from all the tears I've cried, hating the fact that I couldn't man the fuck up and deal with it. We clutched at each other, crying for moments later, oblivious to Aunt Tanya who was still sleeping like dead near my hip. It was impossible not to feel like children again.**

"**I'm not going anywhere, I'm right here."**

_**December 2008**_

_**I was fed up of staring at the bland 'Edward_Anthony_Cullen' at the top of my Messenger page. Pondering something that had enough meaning for me to change it, I got an IM from 'Chez_Marie_à_Paris'. Her name was perfect, meaning everything about her and her sense of adventure and longing for more than what Forks could give her.**_

_**Chez_Marie_à**_**_**_**Paris: hey, Count Dorkula. XD**_

_**Edward_Anthony_Cullen: come up with that all on your own? -_-**_

_**Chez_Marie_à**_**_**_**Paris: yes, actually. :P lol**_

_**Edward_Anthony_Cullen: good god**_

_**Chez_Marie_à**_**_**_**Paris: _**_

_**Edward_Anthony_Cullen: hahaha**_

_**Chez_Marie_à**_**_**_**Paris: go die in a hole**_

_**Edward_Anthony_Cullen: q_q**_

_**Chez_Marie_à**_**_**_**Paris: humph!**_

_**Edward_Anthony_Cullen: snicker, snicker**_

_**Chez_Marie_à**_**_**_**Paris: lol. Hw u feelin? U lkd undr da weather today. =(**_

_**I baulked at her question and observation and decided to be somewhat honest.**_

_**Edward_Anthony_Cullen: I feel like I'm trapped.**_

_**Chez_Marie_à**_**_**_**Paris: I knw u'll get out.**_

_**Edward_Anthony_Cullen: 'I'm gonna get free'?**_

_**Chez_Marie_à**_**_**_**Paris: luv The Vines! 333**_

_**Chez_Marie_à**_**_**_**Paris: and yes u will, tony. I believe in u. =)**_

_**A slow smile morphed itself into a face splitting grin.**_

_**Tony_ima-get-free_Cullen: I'll get out.**_

_**Chez_Marie_à**_**_**_**Paris: n I'll be w/ u every step of the way. =)**_

_**Tony_ima-get-free_Cullen: always?**_

_**Chez_Marie_à**_**_**_**Paris: always.**_

_**Chez_Marie_à**_**_**_**Paris: luv da nu name. =D**_

_**Tony_ima-get-free_Cullen: love you, dork.**_

_**Chez_Marie_à**_**_**_**Paris: speak 4 urslf! :P love you too.**_

**February 2009**

"**Promise?" I asked pleadingly, my voice hoarse and heavy with tears. The watery eyes that looked down at me looked sincere and serious. "I'm sorry that I keep making you cry." My fingers dented the soft flesh of her flushed cheeks, hot under their pads. She shook it off with a stern look then offered a smile.**

"**I cry because I love you and I promise."**

**AN:- I tried to make it as long as possible so hopefully all of you who actually read this would forgive me for such a long lapse. I have exams tomorrow but I'm feeling so guilty about these stories. Ima try to update the rest soon. Just hang in there with me, please. Leave me some reviews.**


	9. I Am Achingly Confused And High

**AN:-**** ok. Here I am to update again after a while…sorry. *looks sheepish* well, onto ch9. Wow…nine chapters….I don't think I've much to go again. I know I'm definitely not doing some long strung out fic. For da most there'll be twenty chs. For the least, fifteen. So stay with me. =) **

**I don't usually post the song I listen to for the chapter but I wrote this while listening to Always by Breaking Benjamin. Give it a listen, dearies. They kick ass.**

**The link- .com/watch?v=qMgYaikLYnQ&feature=related **

Edward Cullen

February 2009

Aunt Tanya had stayed a total of two weeks and what a ride that was. She and Bella had bickered like a couple of old women even though they had come to some sort of understanding that they each were important parts of my life and had to grow up and respect the other but, that aside, boy, had they pampered me. I had healed pretty good. If you were talking minor injuries. The injuries on my back refused to heal because of how I had laid on them and all my movement. Carlisle wanted to sedate me. Again. But - and thank fuck for this man - the director of the hospital who had somehow gotten involved in this, said that he wouldn't risk me slipping into another coma. Some sort of special equipment was supposed to be coming in today. They said it was like a custom made bed with half of a mattress and restraints to support the top half of my body. When I had heard restraints, I almost puked. I didn't want to be tied down. I hated being tied down.

"You excited about the new bed, Tony?" Bella asked, patting my hand, her little knit, fingerless mittens tickling the back knuckles, "Your dad told your aunt that your injuries should heal in the next month since it's already halfway healed. And then they'd be able to do reconstructive surgery once it was done so you'll have a whole new back before you move onto physical therapy." She seemed so excited at the prospect of me healing and I knew that she couldn't see my trepidation. I sighed at that.

"I don't want reconstructive surgery," I said, tired of her insistence of me covering up my scar. _'if only you knew, Bella.'_ "That's more pain and more time I'm wasting away from my actual life, trying to get better." Her hand had stopped fiddling with my finger and she was silent, taking in my words. "Some scars never heal." ok, I had let that one slip accidentally and cursed myself silently for it.

"What's it gonna do for you if you keep those scars?" She had her eyebrow quirked in a fashion that usually scared the shit out of me but without the energy and in my grumpy state, I was mostly miffed, not scared. "You on some sort of macho trip, Assward?"

I blinked surprised then guffawed stupidly into my palm. "'Assward'? Well, that's a new one."

"Stop changing the subject!" she snapped savagely, smacking my hand away from my face. She was all fire and rage and I saw it colouring her face, high on her cheekbones. For the fun of it, I poked at the splotch on her face then the other on the next side. They were practically scalding but I liked the smooth burn.

"I'm always getting busted up or some shit like that and I can handle scars, I've enough to last a lifetime with my luck and I just don't see the point of putting myself out of commission for an unnecessary amount of time when I can just get straight to phys therapy, you know what I mean?" I poked a little harder and my finger glanced off of her bone. She flinched at the sharp poke and the slash of my un-manicured nails. With an apologetic look, I continued, "Sorry, there. You understand right? Physical therapy takes weeks, even months and I can't add on waiting for surgery and recovery to that time if I want to get that band scholarship. You with me or against me? I hadda know."

Bella's eyes roved my face and the bed-head behind me, mulling over me logic. Her lips parted slowly and my masochistic eyes followed them, flickering between the both of them in a futile quest to hold them both with my hungry stare. "I'm with you." She leaned forward and swatted my hair from my eyes, kissing my clammy forehead. Her lips were slow to leave. "Always, Tony." Why did that have to sound so comfortably romantic? Damn, I was feeling like a pussy. "Now, how about you let me cut that bush you've got growing on your head?"

"Fuck no, bitch," I deadpanned, straining my neck away from her. My hair flopped into my moving mouth. It really badly needed to be cut but after what happened last time, I wasn't risking it again.

_September 2007_

_My hair was really growing out and my father couldn't be bothered to carry me to the barber's to get it cut. Whenever I went over to Bella's she'd pull it back into an odd ponytail that stuck out at the back of my head like a small shrub, hair protruding at my temples and spilling a couple strands onto my forehead, as soon as we got up to her room to save us both the irritation of my hair-swatting and raking. This particular evening in particular, she didn't tie it up like I was accustomed to. Her little fingers ran through the thin locks, shaking out the knots and smoothing it out. "How's about a haircut?" Her grin was large and open, so warm and trusting. It was impossible to say no to it. I nodded, albeit a little hesitant but her responding smile was so bright. She rummaged around in the drawers of her dresser for a pair of scissors, coming up triumphant with a heavy, old-fashioned pair, gleaming and silver, large and cold to dwarf her fist. _

"_Okay, I'm gonna turn you away from the mirror so when I'm done it'll be a surprise." And like the fool I was for her, I trusted her. She snipped and chipped at my hair for a half hour straight and I had to wonder if I had hair left. Coming up on an hour, Charlie walked in._

"_Hey, kids, I'm gonna go - Bella! What the hell have you done to Edward?" His eyes were large and just about to fall out of his face, his cheeks rapidly becoming purple with either anger of embarrassment. I, who was the source of shock, became panicked myself and shot up out of the chair, knocking Bella over by accident and rounding on the mirror to get a look at what she had done to me._

_I shouted out and stumbled back, landing hard on my ass and jostling my injured leg. Trying hard to ignore the small patch of burgundy that was growing on my pant leg, I got up and glared at Bella. "Look at what you did!" The little twit laughed! She fell back down, laughing so hard it sounded like she was wheezing. Charlie at least was on my side, looking on at me sympathetically._

"_Tell ya what, Edward, I'll fix it up for you." I looked at him warily but he chuckled. "I cut my own hair, so don't worry. It'll be fine." I took one last mournful look at my hair in the mirror. It was all over the place, chipped up randomly but unattractively, my bangs cut in four different levels, the shortest retreating half way up my forehead. The back was cut low but the front and top was long and even more of a disaster. If I hadn't been this angry, I would've cried. I followed Charlie downstairs where he just shaved the back with a big comb on his machine and cut the front with the self-same scissors that Bella massacred it with so that if it wasn't even, it was less freakish. It wasn't even at all but it didn't look destroyed. In awe, I asked how he did it._

_He smiled proudly and puffed out his chest. "I used to cut my hair like this when I was seventeen to piss but folks off."_

February 2009

"But you got an awesome haircut out of that," she said with a large grin that made my defences slip just a bit. Damn, I was a pussy. "I won't butcher it. I know better know. I mean come on I was fifteen!"

"That was two years ago!" I shrieked, eyebrows disappearing under my swept aside hair.

"I learnt a lot in those two years, you douche. I'm fully capable." I knew the approach she was taking. She was trying to get me to side with her logic but it wasn't happen. Just because Bella had learnt to dress in the past two years, doesn't mean that she had learnt how to cut someone's hair. "Let me-"

"Excuse me." I knew that sleazy as fuck voice. We both looked at the doorway where sure enough my father stood, clipboard in hand, smirk in place. I could've growled. I did. Oh fuck.

"Tony, you hungry?" Bella asked with a giggle, looking back at me in surprise. Carlisle knew it was wasn't my stomach.

"Maybe."

"Well, we've brought the knew bed," Carlisle reported cheerily and I stiffened but Bella smiled warmly at him. "We need to transfer Edward to another room temporarily while we get it set up oh, and Bella, Charlie called me a while back. He told me to make sure you get something to eat." As if hearing the mention of food, her stomach grumbled and gurgled loudly, making all of us laugh, even Carlisle and I. It was almost like it was before…Almost.

_March 2000_

_Carlisle Cullen_

"_Daddy!" I turned at the shout of my child and just in time to catch the little boy, swinging him around and high over my head, pretending to be on the verge of dropping his prone form. Edward squealed in delight, his thin fingers fisted in my cuffs and in a moment of fear that my cuff-links - shaped like maple leaves from my cousin in Canada - would cut into the tender flesh of his palms, I set him on his feet. "Daddy, look!" With a winning smile and a bony finger, he showed me the large scrape across the back of his left calf._

"_Dear God, Edward, where'd you get that?" I dropped to my knees, somewhat exasperated with the boy's antics, to inspect the damage which thankfully wasn't great. With a large sigh at the dirt clumped around it, I lifted him - clean shirt and angry wife…no, clean shirt be damned - and balanced him on my right hip with difficulty, lacking the protrusion that my wife had to support him. Making sure he was settled comfortably on the kitchen counter, I fished around in the cupboard for the first aid kit, slightly frustrated at how far back it was. Once triumphant in my search, I returned to him and held his foot, just below the top of his Converse high-top, dry mud flaking off of the denim blue canvas material and onto my hand and twisting it slightly to get better access to the wound. There were some wet wipes in the kit that attacked the mud brilliantly then I dabbed the infamous, stinging medicine Acriflavine* which turned his skin orange. After covering it up with a piece of gauze, I helped him down and stared at him expectantly, waiting for him to go on his way but he just stared up at me, just as expectantly._

"_What is it, Edward?" I asked tenderly, resting my large hand atop his head, my fingers slipping through his silken locks. I needed to remember to sit Alice down and talk to her about the importance of letting the boys deal with their own hair. "Is something wrong?"_

"_Take Edward to work day, Daddy," he said brightly, beaming up at me, "and I'm ready to go!"_

_It clicked then and I shook my head and my absentmindedness. "Oh, yes, right." I gave him a once over and made a quick decision that might cause me to have to endure the silent treatment all the way to work. "Esme!"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_Edward, needs a bath!" The little fellow looked up at me with wide eyes then narrowed his eyes to slits to glare balefully at me with a pout that spoiled the effect._

"_Edward Anthony Cullen! Did I not tell you to bathe?" Her flats made scuffling noises as she rushed into the kitchen to scold, looking pretty in her bohemian cotton skirt and soft sweaters that perpetually fell off her shoulder. Edward gave me a bitter sigh then a small sad smile._

"_I did, Mummy but I went to play." Damn, that kid was good. He looked at her with the largest most pathetic puppy-dog stare I had ever seen and like the angel my wife was, she cocked her eyebrow and yanked his lobe just enough to make him flinch._

"_Five minutes to get that muck off of you and you're going to work with dad in the clothes I picked out initially." He opened that smart mouth to protest - was he really seven? - but a stern look cut him off. My children were really comedians; he raised his hand. "What, Edward?"_

"_Can I at least wear my other Converses?" Edward turned up the stare another level and I saw her resolve crack and she smiled. With a giggle she nodded and walked off, skirt swishing around her hips._

"_Hey, Daddy?" He had returned his attention to me and I guessed I was forgiven._

"_Yeah, bud?" I stooped so he could have the advantage of towering over me and held onto his waist to keep my balance._

"_If I don't find a nice girl, I'm gonna marry Mummy, so you better watch out," he stated cockily, popping his flannel collar. I didn't really know how to respond in words but I laughed until I tumbled down onto my back and he jumped on top of me, trying to shut in my laughs with his hands. He eventually gave up and laughed with me. Both our faces had turned red and I'm sure he had tears clumped in his lashes like me but the sound of a throat clearing distracted us. I arched my back and tilted my head only to end up looking right up under Esme's skirts. I wolf-whistled and she kicked my shoulder. Feeling thoroughly scolded with that, I turned on my pathetic stare - of course the children got it from me - and hoped for the best._

"_Bath, both of you."_

"_Yes, Mummy," we chimed in unison and joint defeat._

February 2009

Those were good times and I wondered if he missed them as much as I did. Something in the chagrined look he had when he caught himself laughing with me told me that maybe he did. I never saw Carlisle shaken. Ever. It just wasn't him. He didn't even seem bothered when I turned up at the hospital

"_Daddy, I'm sorry,"_

I had whispered quietly, reaching out a small bandaged him towards him. He had looked at it, dressed in his white coat and had asked me if anywhere else hurt aside from my hand.

"_Daddy…"_

"_Well, if it's just your hand, you'll be able to go home tonight. I'll just get through the paperwork and come back to get you."_

I had started crying as I watched him walking away, sniffling and wiping away my snot on the sleeve of my bloody shirt. Even at such a young age, I knew I'd live in regret and resentment towards my life. The funeral had been an even gorier affair. Aunt Tanya had thrown herself onto the casket, bawling her lungs out and clawing at the wood of it but my father? Not a tear, he had shed. He had stood stoically, speaking when necessary, shaking hands, nodding, smiling. _Who smiles at a funeral, anyway? _

I passed the box with my new bed in it as I passed, paying careful attention to the picture on the box. Oh fuck, there really were restraints. Bella was off to the cafeteria and I was alone with Carlisle who smiled, well-rehearsed, at all those who stopped him for news on my progress. I even managed to score a box of chocolates and a full kiss on the mouth from a sexy nurse.

"So, you picked up the hospital whore. You think it's an achievement?" Carlisle scoffed as I looked after her in awe and slight disapproval. I shook my head violently and brought myself back to Bella's smile. He rolled me into room 1408 **(AN:- if you know the reference, review and tell me. =] ) **which was lonely and sort of dank looking. The curtains were dirty, like they hadn't been washed in a really long time or recently puked on. There wasn't a bed but I could've seen the shadow of dust around the shape or the last headboard to be pushed up against that wall. He stopped pushing the bed when it was barely through the doorframe then shot some more morphine into my IV. My body was almost paralyzed but, amazingly, I was fully conscious. "I'll be back for you in a couple hours. Your new girlfriend'll be attending to you in a couple of minute. Try to keep her hands away from your crotch, got it?"

Great.

Terrific.

Fucking Perfect.

The nurse who kissed me did, for a fact, come to push me all the way into the room. She was a pretty thing with big, bouncy, blond curls that hit her ample chest in a way that made them bounce even more. Tiny waist cinched with a leather belt over her white dress, tight pencil skirt that cut off at her knees and fuck me, those legs. Now, I wasn't really ashamed of it but I didn't really broadcast it either; I was a legs man, through and through and that nurse, Ms. -I craned me neck to look at her nameplate, peeking through her hair- Rosalie Hale had the Holy Grail of legs. Looking like a nurse fantasy straight out of some hentai **(AN:- Hentai is Japanese for perverted but it's usually used when referring to anime porn.)**, she came at me, smirking.

"Let me straighten that for you." She fiddled around with the blanket around my thighs, purposefully and futilely grazing her knuckles and nails on my hips and stomach. I let my eyes flutter close, ignoring her efforts for something much better.

_November 2008_

_I was sprawled out on Bella's bed with one of our Lit books in my hand, waiting for the words to start meaning something. I had read "__In the hours after I was murdered" _**(AN:- another book reference, this time from The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold) **_several times and was still wondering who had been murdered. Giving up, I threw the book down on her pillow and closed my eyes for a minute, wondering impatiently where Bella had gone off to. Charlie had let me up to her room, saying something about her being home a little late from her shift at Newton's Outfitters. Today hadn't been all that great at school, I'd gotten into a fight with Tyler and Eric about some fight Bella had gotten into with Lauren and now my nerves were just about worn thin. She had asked me to stop by her house for some grand surprise that was supposed to make me better but her tardiness was just ticking me off even- the front door banged open._

"_Honeys, I'm home!" came Bella's high, thrilling shriek from down stairs, followed by the muffled thud of book bag being discarded in some poor corner._

"_For the love of all that's Holy, Bella! Doors ain't that cheap!" Charlie scolded loudly and I could hear the soft 'thwok' of Bella being clouted through the thin floor boards._

"_But it didn't break, dad." I heard her feet pounding up the stairs, presumably before Charlie properly checked the door for any damage._

"_Tony! Tony! Tony! Tony!" She hollered all the way up the stairs. The door of her bedroom flew open much in the fashion that the front door had and there she stood, dolled up in thigh-high, rainbow-striped socks tucked into Doc Martens, a pair of bright purple Daisy Dukes and an oversized Forks' High hooded sweater with a fairly large cardboard box in her thin arms. "You wouldn't believe what I got you!"_

"_What?" I said, jumping up, her infectious smile catching on my lips. She open the box and out jumped a-_

February 2009

"Bitch!" Ok, that hadn't been what had jumped out of the box but it was close. My eyes flew open and I saw Bella, angry and swearing, pelting popcorn at Ms. Rosalie Hale who was shrieking something about her hair and shielding herself with her hands. "How dare you? He's fucking asleep and you're gearing up to get laid! I'm gonna get you fired, you paedophile! You fucking sicko!"

"Bella!" I screamed over the noise but to no avail. Bella kept advancing on Ms. Hale, launching her buttery projectiles until the woman had fled the room. "Bella?" I tried again, patiently, waiting for her to explode at any given minute on my poor ass and I couldn't have ran away like the nurse. She rounded on me, panting and fuming. "How could you not notice what she was doing to you?" I looked down to see the sheets pulled down to my knees and my gown bunched up around my ribs. My poor exposed, cock hung flaccid between my legs. Helpless and embarrassed, I turned my face away from Bella.

"I can't really feel much 'cause of all of the morphine I got," I croaked out around the tightening of my oesophagus, "I don't know I'm being touched unless I see it."

"Oh, Tony, I'm so sorry." She bustled over to where I lay, pulling my face back to its original position. With shaking hands, crimson cheeks and quivering hands, she pulled down my gown, taking extra care not to touch my skin at all. I think I loved her just a bit more for the respect she showed me. After pulling the gown as far down as it could've gone, she dragged the blanket back up my body and tucked it in by my ribs. "I really didn't know they drugged you out." Bella continued eating her popcorn like all of that hadn't even happened, even stuffing a few in my mouth and panicking when I hacked them out because I really hated extra buttery popcorn. "Oh shit, I forgot," she snickered when I told her as much, continuously fitting fistful after fistful of that nasty shit into her mouth.

"Hey, Tony."

"Hey, Marie."

"Edward, seriously.

"I am serious, Bella." She looked at me peculiarly, her hand pausing halfway in its journey from her bottomless popcorn bag to her mouth. She gave me a look that dried out my mouth but not because she intimidated me with her eyes narrowed to black lined slits or because her mouth was set in a line thin enough to slice a vein but because she was so fucking sexy when she was angry and it was strange that I hadn't noticed it before seeing as she has the face that I see the most. "Wha-" I cleared my throat to rid myself of the higher octave my voice had risen to. "What is it?" She looked at me strangely again, half-sad, sort of hopeful but whatever she saw in my face discouraged her and she shrugged it off.

"Nothing."

**AN:- alright, I know I update at a snail's pace and that it seems like there's no plot but there is! I just like to show people going through different motions in their life. We read to escape into another world how about escaping into someone else's life? Also, I wanted to show another side of Carlisle and I needed something to stick in there before I moved on bigger things. Enjoy. =)**


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